“Aren’t there games where rolling low is better?”
“Yes, but they suck and they shouldn’t play it.”
“I’m gonna make custom dice that have a custom icon on the 3.”
“And I don’t recall where Rick was.”
“…My notes are not particularly helpful in that regard…?”
“Rick doesn’t know where Rick is.”
“Not since the time I was apparently unconscious for 24 hours while I robbed a mortuary!”
“You can’t summon a demon at 8 am!”
“Sure you can – it’s just the bitching hour.”
“Even Rick isn’t tasteless enough to listen to Guns n’ Roses.”
“Are you between Rogers right now?”
“You keep explaining this to me, and I just want to know: how high are you right now?”
“I’m not trying to make a good impression – just a good enough impression.”
“And getting the empty vodka bottle of holy water… because I’m classy.”
“You know, there’s a bunch of people who gather together every week who really believe… kind of.”
“I will admit that yesterday, I didn’t know what you were going to find out… in fact, five minutes ago I didn’t know what you were going to find out. But by god, you’re going to find something out!”
“It’s kind of a landslide sound.”
“You mean like Stevie Nicks?”
“No, like ground moving.”
“I don’t know – did anyone try looking for Roger out of the corner of their eye? That seems to work for people.”
“Is Roger a sofa?!”
“Flamethrower, baseball bat, easter basket, easter basket, fists registered as a deadly weapon, and…?”
“Grey Goose bottle that is no longer a Grey Goose bottle.”
“You guys are armed exactly the way I’d expected.”
“I don’t know if that’s good or bad…”
“I see a lot of… things…”
“And then the smell comes back. The smell you can taste. The smell you can almost see.”
“Like Ghostbusters? You say his name and it reacts?”
“What movie did you see under that name?!”
“The smell isn’t that bad.”
“The smell is that bad.”
“No it’s not.”
“You just need to drink more.”
“Notice they don’t trust Rick with the flamethrower.”
“We don’t trust Rick with the dowsing rods.”
“I don’t trust Rick with a spoon.”
“Well, you probably ought to be careful with the holy Drano, then.”
“Rick, where are you, while he’s… poking the slime with a stick…?”
“I mean, it’s just a freezer – how hard can it be?”
“I think we just moved the house, and I really want to go outside right now.”
“Get one of the easter eggs in its mouth, I’m going to put the nozzle of the flamethrower in its mouth, and then I’m going to try to power-wash its asshole.”
“My life is just full of good choices! I’m between bad choices right now.”
“No, they had napalm bunnies and thermite eggs.”
“I don’t know how I lost track of that…”
“So I’m at a -3 for attack and defense, and fighting a monster that may or may not be on fire.”
“Oh, it’s partially on fire.”
“Okay, good. So I have a good understanding of the situation…”
“I know how much you love negatives to your rolls, so while you’re in the cocoon, you are at a -4 to attack.”
“So I’m at a -7…”
“I would avoid it.”
“It’s on fire and flying away.”
“Did you make it worse?”
“Probably?”
“Did it occur to you that Roger is in Hell?”
“It occurred to the priest!”
“Yeah, but that’s your default answer to everything!”
“Stop saying ‘come along’ and ‘anus’ in the same sentence!”