“God damn it! That shit’s in my graveyard!”
“The only odd thing about it – aside from that she should be in your graveyard – is that buses don’t stop there. But she looks like she’s waiting for a bus.”
“We should count the dog.”
“Wait, wait, if we count the dog, do we have to count the fish?”
“I think the fish are more the vector than the victim.”
“And we are not stealing a bus – “
“We could borrow a bus.”
” – Because I got in trouble last time.”
“Two guys sitting next to a monster truck, staring at two people sitting at a bus stop. It’s an average everyday scene.”
“Your alcohol is not like anyone else’s.”
“It has grain!”
“Does Melissa count as a current affair?”
“That’s not current.”
“I’m still betting on the embalming and stiching. Anybody want in?”
“Sure, I’ll bet $5 on it. And can you loan me $5…?”
“The girl died of shellfish. I think it’s tacky to call her a shell person.”
“To be fair, that’s what I do most days at work: stand there and suck.”
“See, he’s not even sure who he’s burying anymore.”
“We have a guy that buries them…”
“I was about to say – I stand across the street for like 45 minutes, but I look inconspicuous for all of five of it.”
“It’s not, like, the weirdest place in town.”
“To be fair, I think we come from the weirdest place in town.”
“Don’t tell me no! I can count to seven! I have that many fingers.”
“Shotgun!”
“That’s a good point. I go get the shotgun out of the Monster.”
“They’ve been staring at me, and I was trying to be friendly, and nobody appreciated my Strawberry Chiffon Pie recipe, so you should go in.”
“I’ll go into the men’s.”
“Oh, good. I was hoping you’d choose that one. Otherwise, things would get weird.”
“It’s the AA of the dead!”
“How long do you stand outside there, staring in, he asks, fondling his dice?”
“UA?”
“Undead Anonymous.”
“But we know who some of them are.”
“So what I’m hearing here is that Roger’s parents may be necromancers.”
“Noah, what’s different about the truck today?”
“It was a Dodge before?”
“And now it’s a…?”
“Chevy.”
“I think it’s trying to be… in conspicuous?”
“So you’re saying the logo is a mustache?”
“Wait, is the car back from the dead? Is this six?”
“Do you have a specific mouth-poking stick…?”
“No comment.”
“I’m having the churros tres leches.”
“It in fact starts the fire and puts the fire out.”
“Wait, are you a hallucination?”
“Jury’s still out on that, buddy.”
“Mark. You lost both of them in a one stall bathroom?”
“I guess?”
“I check for a drain that might have disappeared.”
“Roll… Perception plus seeing?”
“Okay, so you go back in the restroom, and we’ll draw straws or something to see who holds the door closed – “
“Oh, I’ll hold it shut.”
“Meat log emergency! Meat log emergency!”
“Hey, I’m between bathrooms right now – you wouldn’t believe this.”
“I hand the Father the come-along cable, push him into the bathroom, and close the door.”
“Hey, what – “
“So we’ve gotta push people one after another into the bathroom.”
“Oooh, that sounds like a party game!”
“Look, we don’t need to be handing out Fifty Shades of Grain to people.”
“I think the burrito shack has distracted us from the psychic-sucking zombies.”
“Wait, why are we volunteering me?”
“I’m going to the women’s restroom.”
“To watch, or because you need to go?”
“Just… because reasons.”
“Why is the UYAC like a Walmart?”
“I don’t know. Why IS the UYAC like a Walmart?”
“I don’t know!”
“It is the youth center. Drawing a gutted fish on the wall would just be weird.”
“I think what we’ve established here is that men are from Walmart and women are from UYAC.”
“Ohhh. Yeah, it makes sense. It was the YMCA, but they lost the M, so men can’t come here!”