“I actually went and got a pair of noise-canceling headphones and took them apart to see how they work. I still don’t know, but I made them bigger.”
“It’s not going to work until I build her the flaming ukulele and bungee her to the top of the Monster.”
“And they drink alcohol that’s weird.”
“It’s not weird – it’s verdant!”
“Larpers, not zombies… dog… dog…”
“It’s supposed to say ‘fuck Thrandfular,’ but Rebel can’t remember how to spell it, so it really says, ‘fuck Thranduil.'”
“He seems to be trying to surround himself with people because his house is too quiet.”
“Because it’s not on fire…?”
“Oh! You want a shot of ranch?”
“No, no…”
“Oh, well, a ranch shot with a whiskey chaser is good too.”
“But they don’t make Hidden Valley bourbon, so you gotta do what you gotta do.”
“I’m gonna stop there, because I’m grossed out by my own concept.”
“Yeah, it’s too late… I can imagine it.”
“Roger gets a look on his face, like someone that’s done too many ranch shots…”
“Didn’t… didn’t we send him to join a cult…?”
“Yes! And we didn’t check on him.”
“Wasn’t the cult at the UYAC?”
“They don’t like it when you call them that.”
“Yeah, they prefer group gathering.”
“What if I just sit next to you?”
“But it’s much funnier if you’re on the roof with a flaming ukulele.”
“No, you know what? If we’re going this route, I’ll cover the Prius in spikes.”
“I’ll do it. I’ll make them out of aluminum so they won’t weigh it down.”
“I mean, you weren’t setting the place on fire.”
“Or stealing a chicken from the deli.”
“Or walking out with a ukulele.”
“It was still stealing.”
“It didn’t technically leave through the front door.”
“That’s true. It left through the bathroom.”
“The crowbar was mostly coated with other dude, so if there was evidence, it was other dude juice…”
“Frank’s Red Hot cheesecake?”
“No. Well, actually, before I say that…”
“Cheesecake receipe. That’s the key.”
“I searched for that! All I got was recipes for the Cheesecake Factory’s chicken ranch salad!”
“Well, that’s because churros are the perfect food.”
“…Chirp, chirp, chirp.”
“You didn’t knock it down or set it on fire.”
“No. Well…”
“You didn’t knock it down.”
“I’m trying to give them a heart attack; she’s trying to give them a heart attack and a repair bill. Although they’re probably getting their vehicle repaired at my place, so…”
“Is it louder than the sound in my head?”
“Yeeees.”
“Is it the same song as the sound in my head?”
“Yeeees.”
“Is it in sync with the sound in my head?”
“Noooo.”
“Did you think about checking to see if he was not murdered?”
“I mean, does a churro ever look old?”
“Does a churro ever look young?”
“Yup, 100%, you just guaranteed that you will be the one that has to burn his house down, to save the world.”