“You know, I would give him Vulnerability: Backhoe. I would allow that.”
“But it’s a vehicle, so it goes at the end of the round. I just made that rule up – sentient vehicles always go at the end.”
“It’s 80s power ballads – ukulele version.”
“I won’t give you any penalties.”
“…12.”
“Yeah, I didn’t need to give you any penalties.”
“Theoretically, there’s some sauce in the gas tank.”
“And also in the bottle I’m carrying.”
“But the gas tank is funnier.”
“It’s nice that y’all get stunts, but I get stunts too.”
“I don’t think that’s the case. Unfair.”
“I run up to it and say, ‘There’s a lot of dust here, and they say that dust is dead skin, so I think that everyone else on this world is dead. And they also say some of it is pet dander, which I think is why you keep sending inside-out dogs at us,’ and I’m using Misdirection…”
“Oh awesome! Does a 3 hit?”
“That would be… defense, sir?”
“It would.”
“That does not hit.”
“That’s six points of hit and eight points of holy water.”
“At least that’s working.”
“Six points, grind death.”
“It ground my death off? I’m immortal!”
“Rebel, does an 11 hit you?”
“No.”
“Actually, it would be a 10 – does a 10 hit you?”
“No!”
“It’s good, until it’s not – and I has fix for that too.”
“Has fix?”
“I can haz fix you!”
“It’s enough to agitate the water molecules. It’s humid now.”
“He doesn’t look as… well-assembled… as he used to be.”
“I think you should do that more often – you should make up for our good rolls by rolling badly.”
“There are explosions, and it kind of stumbles back from your singing.”
“You know, that’s not uncommon.”
“I stand up, wipe my nose, and say, ‘Hey, dick-fist, we’re not done yet.'”
“I hope you have something good to back that up with…”
“Tie goes to the home dimension! Damn it!”
“Defense is a target number – it’s not a tie!”
“If nobody had started playing music, I was going to thumb-drive the Monster… to play hiphop.”
“I call a taxi, because I have my phone and Noah has his wallet.”
“Actually, before I call the taxi, we should probably walk a distance away from…”
“The blast radius?”
“The criminality zone.”
“That went about as I anticipated, which makes me very happy.”
“Darryl unconscious for half the fight?”
“No, this one you will have to make the decision not to know what’s going on.”
“Challenge accepted.”