“Isn’t necrophilia a victimless crime?”
“HOW THE HELL DO YOU REMEMBER THAT? That was eight or ten years ago!”
“Pfft. Sword? I’d have to roll a die to make a sword work.”
“I’m still going to keep it maxed. Because that’s how I roll. Or rather, ride.”
“You, your majesty, were looking at the island and thinking with your tactical mind: ‘harb harb hurb harb hurb hurb.'”
“…And see what bees we stirred up. They just happened to be wyvern bees.”
“Actually, you climbed into the pig’s ass to do your forging…”
“Oh my god. Whoever thought of the black hole in the pig is my hero.”
“I’m interested in the top half. Reinheit is interested in the bottom half.”
“We brought back your daughter-jerky…”
“Okay, what do gnomes call a human longbow? A siege weapon.”
“That’s right. I can purify them before I start.”
“It’s normally stuck in the eye socket or the mouth.”
“That… applies to a lot of things.”
“Every question I asked in the interview, you answered something else! But the question you answered was better, so I took it!”
“Kobolds get racial bonuses to trap making, which is what makes Feng’s daily commute lots of fun…”
“I could detect evil on the water, but I don’t think it’s really going to do anything.”
“That wasn’t my fault.”
“Was it the SOFA’s fault?”
“You can’t be outsmarted by a sofa, Matt.”
“Okay, but at least he hit something manly.”
“We do not live in a world where tigers drop off trucks into the road…”
“Oh, yeah. So when I get bisected…”
“King, I can summon friendly celestial guinea pigs…”
“A shark would be awkward, probably inappropriate.”
“The trap is all psychological. The trap is just to distract us and waste time.”
“Can you lift the portcullis?”
“Not as a strength 8 kobold.”