“Can we just… duct tape the vorpal sword to the end of Kevin’s lance?”
“It is, however, not currently a jabber-fly. It’s a jabber-walk.”
“I use knowledge: engineering to engineer an anti-jabberywocky.”
“Not as smart as a man, not as dumb as a ho…”
“Were you going to say horse?”
“I thought he said whore.”
“…I was going to say horse, and then I realized that this is entirely the wrong room…”
“It has no discernible anatomy. The jabberwock is made of cheese.”
“It’s SPANISH.”
“When it’s kind of crappy, it’s Scottish.”
“I can now do nothing, exceptionally fast!”
“You notice that only 315 of the 330 points seem to hurt it…”
“Well, the Hulk won. Because the Sub-Mariner is an ass.”
“The GM is going to stand over here and sulk for a while.”
“I had a response to you, and I have forgotten what it was.”
“Welcome to Adventurer’s Anonymous. My name is Char, and I need multiple attacks…”
“Retcon! Nightcrawler had a glider.”
“I’m a man on a mission.”
“I know. And I remember how badly we got mauled the last time that happened.”
“Well, Skrulls are great for writing on. You can just peel a layer of skin off.”
“The Chronicles of Speerspitze, Chapter one: The End.”
“The floor of this room deticks… depicts…”
“De-ticks?”
“Well, that’s great, because I’m sure we picked up a few on the way…”
“You lose negative levels? So you gain levels?”
“It moved. It’s so funky fresh…”
“I can’t believe you just used that phraseology.”
“‘Angel, we freed you!’ ‘Yeah, it fucking hurt, you ass.'”
At the end of a horrible digression:
“Henceforth, NO ONE is allowed to play Mr. Fantastic or any stretchy hero at all, whatsoever.”
“Talking owlbears, and you’re arguing about red maggots?”
“That’s how faeries fight each other: with bad clothing.”
“Oh. Then the worms are kind of singed.”
“That makes me uncomfortable with my manhood.”
“No, that makes everyone else uncomfortable with your manhood.”
“As I am immune to fear, I am also immune to molestation.”
“Congratulations, your Majesty. Your bedroom detector is working.”
“The bare wooden door of this attic space…”
“OMG, the floor is covered in bears!!”
“Well, we didn’t kill the dancing bear, so the wooden bears will beat us…”
“Is it impassibly choked by vines, or is it inconveniently choked by vines?”
“So, what you’re saying here is that Feng’s monastery is a Jackie Chan movie?”
“…I had assumed that from the beginning.”
“You may not use the halfling as a shield. You are not proficient in halfling.”
“And this is why we don’t record games.”