“He can come quietly and watch the fucking game.”
“I like how that started with ‘he can come quietly’…”
“Oh, THERE was the line. Over THERE.”
“All right, whatever you were going to wear before, throw it in the trash! Suit-jamas!”
“Oh, come on! It’s gonna be a masquerade. Don’t you want to sweat your balls off?”
“Why can’t I move?”
“Probably because the boar’s junk is holding you up against the wall.”
“Okay, which is more intimidating – a pirate flag, or a ghoul flying from the mast?”
“Don’t give me the zombie walk.”
“My foot is asleep, you fucker.”
“I’m sitting here like, ‘I get one attack a round…’ I feel like my other characters are laughing at me.”
“We punched the victim in the face, and… well… we tried everything!”
“Oh, mean. I hope that’s a problem with our crew: some time we get into a battle, and they have a craft circle.”
“Don’t worry, Bryan – as far as I’m concerned, you were there when we murdered them.”
“As far as I’m concerned, you murdered them.”
“I think we need a new ship rule: Mary doesn’t get to visit the brothels until everyone else has.”
“Did you just summon a dropped anchor?”
“It’s called the Peccarine.”
“I don’t know what that is.”
“I think it’s a pig.”
“Isn’t that a peccary?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, so it’s half pig and half nectarine!”
[after a discussion of what color to dye the sails]
“I’m going to go pee while these people finish vomiting all this out…”
“Clearly you’re successful pirates, so do you have anyone to ransom or any slaves to sell?”
“Well, we do have a slighly used anti-paladin with an assortment of diseases.”
“We do have a fishman!”
“Slightly abused fishman.”
“We do not sell party members when they’re not here!”
“I’m still surprised my character hasn’t been sold, and I’ve been here every session…”
“You need a deposit? We’ll leave you the fish-man!”
“One of the things that was in the captain’s cabin – aside from a really… horrible… stain…”
“Well, you should feel right at home.”
“He doesn’t want Mary to confuse the rum stain with any other kind of -um stain.”
“I’m carrying a hatchet!”
“You’re carrying 10 hatchets.”
“Eleven.”
“Umm… what about the one that was accused of killing someone?”
“You?”
“You lob it as far as you can…”
“Because you want to get it the fuck away from you.”
“I’m fairly clean!”
“No, you’re not! You’re coming to the brothels to get rid of some diseases!”
“God, that’s a really big fucking boathouse.”
“Well, it’s for two boats.”
“And you know, once you get two boats, and then you have baby boats…”
“Canoes?”
“Is there canoodling?”
“Almost immediately, blood starts dripping from her hands as the rope flays her skin.”
“We’re not playing nine-pins.”
“Fuck ’em. My spells are called ‘axe’. I cast axe spells.”