“I’ve seen those things where you eat sushi off naked Asian girls, and I’m not eating Chinese food off of Darryl.”
“Hulk not understand gratuity? That’s the word I’m looking for.”
“This garlic bread is from 1987, when I finally beat Contra without losing any lives…”
“360 sails? Man, you sneeze and you’re half a mile in the wrong direction.”
“If I learned one thing from Disney, it’s that [sailing a ship through the air] is the same as in the water.”
“Okay, but if it makes a Chitty Chitty Bang Bang noise, I quit.”
“If they ask you if you did the statue at the Guggenheim, you say YES!”
“If Mary T has red semen, you have FAR more problems…”
“Matt! This is why we don’t have nice ships!”
“Why? Because I tear them in half?”
“Most of the crew look at you in anticipation of sushi night.”
“What did you do?! I left the room for like two minutes!”
“I started Pearl Harbor.”
“If there’s a bunch of running involved, I’m going to toss a rope around someone and cast Levitate.”
“If you put Bull Strength on an ox, it becomes as strong as itself!”
“The only way this is going to end is if I set someone on fire.”
“‘Come here, baby, and sit on my Tasha’s Hideous Laughter.’ And that’s the worse pickup line I’ve ever come up with.”
“‘Here, come sit on my Burning Hands.'”
“‘Come sit on my Bungle.'”
“‘Come here, baby, and I’ll show you my Bungle.'”
“Well, that’s it. Darryl’s Bungle is out, I’m going home.”
“Mr. Blyds has no skin. What was the rule on that again?”
“That’s right. You suck in daylight. Because you’re a vampire fish.”
“I think he should be full-time anchor.”
“Like Dan Rather?”
“Yes. So he can be underwater and give us the news.”
“Are you SURE you don’t want to heal her at range? Because you’re going to have to touch her.”
“I’m using the needle.”
“I’m going to require you to sterilize those needles.”
“I can’t tell, because the map is of such poor quality.”
“That’s because you ripped it, you fucker.”
“Come on, we can hang out, have a good time together…”
“You just want to smite them.”
“Fuck yeah.”
“It’s not a city. It’s like, two drunken cows…”
“You were born in Rhode Island?”
“Yeah.”
“What happened when you took your first step? Which state did you end up in?”
“You stole the ship from Barnabus?”
“No, we stole the ship from the guy who stole the ship from Barnabus.”
“Ooo, I’m good at that.” [die roll] “No, I’m not good at that.”
“Wait, can we get recruited to his ship and then undermine from the inside? It worked the first time.”
“It’s the most un-subtle assassination signal EVER.”
“I fear I might be the second nicest person on the ship… at True Neutral.”
“…We’re gonna last three days out there, guys.”
“The only disease I’ve got right now, he can only get if I bite him.”
“Yeahhh, so that’s going to happen. You’re YOU.”
“I broke a hip just thinking about you charging me, woman!”
“I want to be Cardick Godfist Bone… oh fuck.”
“Your name is very long and strange and ends in ‘oh fuck.'”
“For pirates, we spend an awful lot of time climbing mountains. We should have become mountaineers instead of buccaneers.”
“That’s totally not how parrots talk.”
“Fuck you, awwk.”
“That’s, like, every parrot I’ve ever met.”
“As you reach towards it, its mouth opens slowly.”
“Don’t do it, Polly. You won’t like the taste.”
“Let’s just leave her out of this, because she’s just going to disagree with me on principle.”
“Hey, uh, Bryan… I’d prefer if you stop there.”
“I’d prefer if I stop there as well…”
“I keep waiting for the other shoe.”
“Wait, he’s only got one?”
“We need something to carry him on.”
“Like his hammock?”
“Oh, shit. I’ll go get the hammock. And the other shoe.”
“And now, part of our pirating series: put your boat on the boat.”
“You’re going to put your boat on the junk. You’re going to put your BOAT on the JUNK?”
“I was promised marines, and I’ve been given nothing. So I guess technically I’m in charge of myself…”
“He’s using different colors to indicate the routes.”
“So when Collins tears stuff up, it’s ok?!”
“Where do you think they’re selling the slaves?! At Walmart?!”
“What is difference between monkey and Mwangi?”
“One is a man… one is not.”
“Hang on… no. I don’t get it.”
“I’m going to name my ship ‘Oh It’s Nothing.’ That way, when they see it, it’s ‘What’s that on the horizon? Oh It’s Nothing!'”