“You look like you could ravage.”
“He worships the Great Old Ones.”
“That would explain the expression on his face.”
“Well, to be fair, we’re level 4 morons.”
“It was terrible! So hard to find, and yet so useless.”
“If we get a quest to find fangberries again, I’m turning this boat around…”
“Everyone is required by law to grow at least three fangberries on their property. If you live in an apartment, get a potted plant.”
“Hey, land ho.”
“Water, bitch!”
“Well, it’s not like our ship is as big as the one in the picture.”
“Technically, when you go through this gap here, you can’t see the islands on either side.”
“So they’re invisible?”
“Look both ways!”
“I am! Left, and right.”
“It’s good that you have your sister to cover for that. And dudes! For your sister!”
“Why do you spend three hours below deck with Sandra, and come up with perfectly groomed hair?”
“I feel like a pirate when I say things like ‘hooray’ and ‘yippee!'”
“They have four masts, but really, if you add all of ours up, we do too.”
“But not all on one ship.”
“I think that’s smarter.”
“Ooh! Can you sense motive on a boat? Oh! Or on a flag? Are the flags lying?”
“We’re main characters! We can’t lose!”
“You, charge, power attack. You, hard to starboard.”
“I’m Good. I’m driven by my alignment. The fact that you people are listening to me is BAD.”
“I believe in the romantic version of piracy.”
“Buggery?”
“Why are we letting the rum talk again?”
“Because the rum speaks for everyone.”
“Do any of the disreputable salts on our ship look any less… disreputable?”
“No… I was exiled from my home.”
“Like Jar-Jar?”
“That’s my career… half-time cook, half-time revenge seeker.”
“Hunter, don’t tell anyone… I think that elf girl might be my sister. I think she might be related to my father somehow…”
“It’s Dungeons & Dragons. What do you need a metaphor for?”
“Why the fascination with the fish?”
“It’s the hat.”
“He’s never seen a fish in a hat before.”
“It’s jaunty!”
“He doesn’t seem like he wants to talk to you about what’s wrong when you’re fondling a DEMON.”
“But I need two things before I’ll tell you where the treasure might be.”
“Please don’t say the blood of the innocent.”
“Hey Jon, would you do me a favor?”
“What’s up?”
“Can you reset Yamarino?”
“Sam has a bit of an existential quandry going on right now. He could have his first ten-some…”
“This is why I don’t want you to run the Oblivion game; I want you to be my evil! Because that is PERSUASIVE.”
“So, it may be a good time to piss off the mafia.”
“Because that always goes so well for us.”
“Point. So, we’re not going after the mafia…”
“Are there any tell-tale signs that I might pick up, having been a fish-man all my life?”
“You have no… right here.”
“Oh! I thought he was going to say genitalia.”
“What, are you a vampire that you have to be invited in?”
“No, I just have manners! Poor ones.
“No, he’s trying to look nonchalant in an impossible situation.”
“I’m so glad we finally met a villain that we can hit!”
“He’s not a villain! He’s an old man!”
“He’s got a 6 strength! 6! You are beating up an invalid!”
“I think you’ve finally found the appropriate challenge level for your character: old man in a vacant house.”
“Also, we’re pirates! Using an old man’s bathroom is the worst kind of piracy! We’re doing good here!”
“In Dungeons & Dragons, it’s never just a retirement community, okay?”
“Disembodied hands are the Devil’s plaything.”
“We were having a nice conversation, and then you had to bring up moistened slaves.”
“To be fair, if an eight foot cockroach was in my living room, I would run the other way.”
“Hey, between the two of you, you made 20. Good job!”
“No, I just voted for whore number 7 to be captain.”
“Will, I assume?”
“If it’s Fortitude, that’s a really fucked up illusion.”
“You will never, ever get that smell out of your mind.”
“I have other smells that can replace it!”
“This went somewhere much more horrible than the aboleths.”
“We have a problem. A horrible, disgusting problem.”
“Yes, but we agreed to let him stay on board as a cook.”
“What, he gets to bring nine whores, and I get a dirty look for an old man?”
“I went to the market. You know what the cheapest meat there is? The whores he bought.”
“NO! BAD OLD MAN! BAD! DOWN!”
“He’s not dealing in slaves; he’s collecting them. He wants to get the whole set.”
“You just have to sacrifice them… and not rescue them afterwards.”
“We did vote. Unfortunately, we have a tie.”
“So we’re going to kill half of them and push the other half off.”
“It doesn’t mean that the regular people aren’t under the thumb of the gooey aristocracy, but the gooey aristocracy may not be enslaved to the aboleths.”
“Can we change your class from summoner to pariah?”
“YES, says the previous pariah!”
“This is the problem with D&D alignments. He’s not playing good; he’s playing Malcom Reynolds.”
“God, he keeps rolling.”
“Yeah, we got hit with a ship.”