“The thing is, it was effectively a meat truck.”
“Beep-beep!”
“Oh! He went down to fix them! Because I didn’t go with him, because the last time I went with him, I died.”
“Oh, that’s right!”
“So, I’m looking up with my Perception of 1. Wait, no. I’m looking up with my Perception of -1.”
“I have a -1 Perception. Surely I can see the moon.”
“It’s God’s head-penis.”
“She has class.”
“She does have class. I’m not sure how she ended up with you.”
“Why wouldn’t you tweet about God’s head-penis?”
“Right on the other side of head-penis. That’s the line.”
“This is like that scene in Spaceballs. ‘Quick, what are we gonna say next?'”
“I want you to tweet ‘thauthy theamen.’ I don’t care what the context is.”
“I was distracted by all the saucy seamen.”
“Why would a ship suddenly rise and then fall?”
“Uh… a wave.”
“Captain, there’s a monster by your dinghy.”
“At least it’s not by your junk.”
“We really need to capture that junk.”
“You don’t have a lithp.”
“It’s infethtiouth.”
“Signal ‘running out of nameless NPCs before they get to me.'”
“Captain, pass me down my yellow pants.”
“Don’t you want the brown pants?”
“Pass me down the brown pants, too.”
“Matt, can I borrow some dice?”
“Don’t do it, John, it’s a trap.”
[die roll, followed by laughter]
“Saucy, what single-digit number did you get for initiative this time?”
“Three…”
“Next you’re going to say we look alike.”
“You do look alike.”
“No, we just walk in the same position.”
“Which end does the pointy end go towards?”
“The point end goes towards your mouth.”
“Aahh! Captain, the brown pants, please! Quickly!”
“He could be saying ‘excellent’ because you just got thrown into the water.”
“I think he is.”
“You hear a ‘thplath.'”
“He doesn’t deserve paint. He got me killed.”
“You could save me!”
“Somehow.”
“You’re the captain! Think of something!”
“Okay, I’ll throw him a rope.”
“All of a rope, or half?”
“Yeah, all of the rope. It’s not attached to anything.”
“The fucking AC is turned to frigid.”
“So are my balls.”
“The important part is, when I get out of the water, you can tell what religion I am.”
“I was going to make mention of it, but I thought, ‘There’s no way Kacey doesn’t know. That’s what he always does on his first round.'”
“He’s Saucy Charlie Swift, not Perceptive Charlie Swift.”
“Yay! I killed something something with not using a spell!”
“Matt, why doesn’t your character have fins?”
“Because I don’t want to be the Penguin.”
“Oh, look, Captain, it’s got a grill.”
“I don’t see why you’d want to go after the 7 nameless crew – ”
“Because they’re my followers! I only get 10 of these guys!”
“Bryan heard ‘press gang’ and got the wrong idea.”
“I have a +11 to my climb, so I got a 15. Because that’s how I roll. Literally.”
“I didn’t know! I just thought, with a +11, I can’t fail twice…”
“So Gill stops eating the rope and actually climbs it.”
“You guys are the third worst pirates I’ve ever heard of.”
“I’m not the bury my treasure in the ground kind of pirate. I’m the spend all my money in town kind of pirate…”
“You find a dark shaft.”
“Shaft!”
“Can you dig it?”
“We just did.”
“Someone has to go down the dark shaft.”
“That’s my job!”
“I’d just like to point out that earlier this evening, you expressed that your first gay character is something of a disaster.”
“Yes, but now I’ve embraced the disaster.”
“Hollows.”
“Yes. What did you hear?”
“Olives.”
“Yes, it’s a natural cavern full of natural cracks and olives.”
“Treasure and hors d’oeurves.”
“No wonder I can’t find a 20 on that die. It’s a d12.”
“Do you guys realize that we’ve spent the entire evening trying to get to the dungeon I was going to run you guys through tonight?”
“I am extremely tall.”
“I thought that was Yeveny.”
“No, Yeveny is unequivocally tall.”
“I have to protect her so we can do makeovers and stuff.”
“Bryan, have you ever noticed me play that kind of girl?”
“I just assumed you didn’t RP that part.”
“How would he write it down? He doesn’t even know how many damn hit points he has.”
“I have a general idea…”
“The most luxurious of dungeons for us.”
“Do we not have flamethrowers?”
“Uh, no, you’re the only one throwing off flames around here.”
“I am not heightist; you have no control over how tall you are. I am, however, shade-ist. You could be darker.”
“You’re going to go with Head-Penis to get away from the innuendo? Really?”