“I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.”
“Because if it’s on the high seas, it’s piracy. If it’s on land, it’s illegal.”
“It’s a statute of implications, really.”
“I like that plan.”
“Which one, the kissing?”
“The lesbians.”
“I can spread rumors about secret parties. Only they’re slightly less secret when I’m spreading the rumors.”
“I don’t think you really understand how high-brow people work. I have low-browed many high-brown people in my time.”
“Well, if this is a formal affair, I’m not invited.”
“Hannibal Lecter good, cage mask with a luchador even better.”
“I was going to go faster, and then you guys got hung up on a piece of minutae.”
“Are you saying the book did not expect us to come up with an elaborate ruse to steal this treasure?”
“It’s going to be awesome when nobody shows up at our party…”
“I know what you can do: find the strongest alcohol you can find.”
“Done.”
“Well, there’s only so much I can do with your mom.”
“That’s okay; you have to split her three ways with the crew.”
“Would that be Disguise to make the ship look like an awesome party boat?”
“Why did we bite this hook? Why?”
“Because it’s us?”
“Are you actually looking that up like it’s a serious question? I’m so impressed.”
“Robert was saying earlier that you were the most competent crewman.”
“That’s because I didn’t get a chance to fuck things up directly.”
“So I’m the next most least competent person in the room.”
“I’m Napoleoning this motherfucker, too. Standing right at the front of the ship.”
“Well, we can always use more block and tackle.”
“Why, because we keep losing them?”
“No, because I’m going to have to take this ship by myself.”
“What, you don’t take your long rifle drinking?”
“You guys realize that if we keep this up, we won’t get through an entire grey box worth of game tonight.”
“No, they’re standing by, waiting at their phones, waiting for something to be funny.”
“John did manage to miss the one night he’d be useful. Just like a fishman disappears when we have to fight things underwater!”
“No, please, NPCs. I’m excited. I had almost forgotten about them.”
“I don’t like gnomes either. He is officially not a gnome. He’s some sort of higher species.”
“It is only the first annual Former Pirate Queens of Port Peril Pleasure Cruise.”
“Okay, I don’t know boat words.”
“Thousands of people in Port Peril have seen Mary T’s kraken, and they all regret it.”
“I have Handle Animal.”
“Good. Turns out, it has Handle Human…”
“It’s a dwarf kraken.”
“No, it’s not! Dwarves don’t even like water.”
“Oh, because you’re going to derail this even more?”
“Our train has off-road wheels!”
“No one has tried to sell krakens as marital aids before. I think we have a new business.”
“Nothing says romance like tentacle porn.”
“Hey, if I had to go out, going out drunk on a ship full of skeletons… no, that doesn’t sound right.”
“Look, guys, we have to buckle down or we’re not going to get through this tiny piece of the game tonight.”
“‘We should give him a break.’ We could have ended the song first! Mouthy bitch!”
“I know better, but I’m going to go investigate the other ship.”
“Split the party, win a prize!”
“I think we’ve established that our group finds traps by stumbling into them.”
“I’m going to do that via Diplomacy, because I myself am terrible at small talk with dead people.”
“Just comment on her wonderful bone structure!”
“He’s trying to say ‘stick your penis in the leak!'”
“You’re a captain. I can’t just make you work on my ship, can I?”
“Oh, that’s awesome.”
“Which actually makes our party super-awesome, because we have a crasher. Unless she came to steal our ship, in which case, fuck that bitch.”
“Working on it.”
“Did you want something, or are you just going to act horrified the whole time?”
“You just ran in here, babbling about your orifaces…”
“There’s no crying in pirating.”
“‘Scuse me, ‘scuse me, I just need to compare how awesome” [roll] “Aww.”
“It’s like my favorite restaurant – the Kraken Barrel.”
“Well, we’ll send someone and a buddy – because we’re definitely on the buddy system now, and I’m totally serious…”
“Don’t worry, Phipps, a qualified medical professional will be with you shortly.”
“I could just whip out my head-dongle and see where that takes us.”
“I don’t know them. Kill them. And I walk away. I’m not captain; I don’t have to worry about those decisions.”
“There’s one tiny problem with this.”
“He’s not the captain?”
“There’s no brig on the Covenant.”
“You get back here. You’re always begging to interrogate people; here’s your chance.”
“You beat them with a small living cat.”
“Beat them with a bag of cats!”
“I will not have a jihad on this ship.”
“Oh, now she’s playing bad cop-dumb cop.”
“Nope, I’m just not very smart.”
“You are terrifyingly competent tonight.”
“Apparently we let the other three saboteurs go, so I will send someone to round them up.”
“See, that’s my patented anti-Yamarino tactic.”
“Anything with gravity works…”
“She said she was sorry.”
“Yeah, well, if she was a real pirate, she wouldn’t be sorry.”
“He steps on a twig. God knows why there’s a twig on the ship, but there’s a twig.”
“Is this where he cleans up a murder site? Because that’s what he did every time he got caught last game.”
“I want to hear this bluff.”
“There’s no bluff. I was just checking out your ship. It looks like a sweet ride.”
“I’ve got a reasonable chance of beating a twenty-f…uck.”
“I have Tourettes. Fishman tourettes. I only blurt out important parts of our plans.”
“I’m going to take a page from Mary T’s book.”
“I have a book?”
“I told you it was a horrible idea! All my ideas are horrible!”
“You could not use your elven wiles to see what was behind the door? I used my wiles to see what was behind the door.”
“Those WERE my elven wiles.”
“So what’s about to happen is that our midnight boarding party is going to be you guys, and I’m going to lead our guests in a rousing round of beat the fuck out of you three.”
“Lady Graves, I apologize. It seems some pirates are not entirely trustworthy.”
“He puts away PlayFish…”
“I don’t think you understand here, Matt. John is not here; that means you’re in charge.”
“But I at least honor the modesty of her skeletal form…”