“If I was going to beat someone with a game console, I would use the original X-Box.”
“I think this is a grand opportunity to actually get something done.”
“Ugh! Get something done? Us?”
“Continuing regardless of the number of casualties is the only way I can think of to get through this.”
“Did you say number of casualties?”
“I think ‘head penis’ is a great ship name!”
“I don’t think John remembers he’s got an item on his ship that increases its speed and maneuverability.”
“I don’t think John remembers he’s on a ship.”
“Requesting denial of permission to come aboard! I hear no denial of permission to come aboard.”
“To be fair, the alchemist kind of killed himself.”
“By allowing himself to be employed by this party?”
“Can we confirm that it’s dead, not just playing dead with an anchor in its face?”
“I didn’t realize it was sealed! I was listening to ‘bottle’ and ‘scroll’!”
“Hahahaha. Dwarven ingenuity.”
“…Or alchemy.”
“Do you think Hell Harbor has a civic beautification committee?”
“Devil’s Arches sounds like something that happens when you have bad shoes.”
“I was just thinking it sounded like the corporate merger between McDonald’s and Chipotle.”
“Fifteen, and I promise not to leave the devil on the deck when we take it.”
“Deck?”
“Pier.”
“Twenty-five, and I’ll forget what you look like and the name of your ship.”
“Are you gonna make a soup out of that?”
“No, I’m gonna go find a priest.”
“Devil dogs are the new sorbet machine.”
“Custard machine.”
“No, the dress was the new sorbet machine…”
“You claimed the devil juice, it’s yours.”
“The Dirge has the museum of terrible things…”
“We’re building a sideshow. We have three exhibits so far.”
“So next week, when they ask me why on earth I kept the corpse of a terrible demon so it could come after me, I’ll explain that it’s for the kraken.”
“How about we give it to Collins so we don’t have to give him a real ship one day?”
“I want to pass just close enough to the Covenant that they have to wonder if that’s a dwarf ass…”
“I say we board our own ship just to get extra infamy.”
“You’re the weakest dwarf I’ve ever met! How do you get out of bed in the morning?”
“Uhhhh… beard too heavy… somebody shave me…”
“I actually have a 20 strength, but only in my neck.”
[talking about Cadbury eggs] “All I know is, since the new receipe, they don’t scramble as well as they used to.”
“We have a Seven Demon Bag! Well, okay, we have a smashed imp in a bag…”
“When he knocks, the door falls open.”
“Wow, this is really easy.”
“It’s like his hands are enchanted with the Knock spell!”
“I’ve seen so hard, I’ve found the meaning of life!”
“I prefer not to talk through doors! They impede vocal progress.”
“Missing? Since when?”
“I’ve only been in port for two hours. She’s been missing the whole time.”
“You’re climbing? With your die?”
“He’s wet; throw some more crap in his eyes.”
“Why does Kevin always crit me?”
“Because it’s fun?”
“Because I hate you?”
“Blind fighting. They should have that tattooed on their forehead.”
“And whereas I can tell you exactly which blade of grass I’m going to hit with a spear, axes are kind of iffy. And knives? Mmm.”
“Well, I’m going to halberd him a question.”
“He does not surrender. He’s lying down on the ground with his eyes shut; that means he wants to join your crew.”
“I’m not sure what eating a demon is going to do to a kraken; I’m sure it can’t be good for him. But we all think it’s a good idea…”
“How many Zs in Port Peril are there?”
“P-o-r-t-P-e-r-i-l – none. There are no Zs in Port Peril.”
“Papers.”
“I’m going to need that back in case we get into more trouble.”