“This also means Charlie is invincible.”
“How so?”
“If something kills me off, you guys have to go through the whole regatta again to choose a new lord.”
“Oh, I thought you were going to say the game has a button to cry.”
“No, your character does that automatically.”
“Well, the difference between an eagle and a chicken is the size of the hot wings.”
“It’s like watching your grandfather try and do something on one.”
“The hat helps.”
“I like how you have your own sealed copy there, but you’re looking through his.”
“I have to take it home on the motorcycle. Also, I still have sauce on my fingers. And I know when Bryan looks through it, he’ll have sauce on his fingers, so…”
“Books have stopped working.”
“Oh, Yamarino, you’re doing to love this island.”
“Uhh… I run.”
“…but the word ‘triceratops’ appears multiple times on this page.”
“Uhhh… I surrender. And offer to serve him.”
“Good luck with the tablet.”
“And good luck with the octengarianism.”
“Uhh… I think it’s funnier if I do it myself.”
“It has a camera.”
“So it can record your idiocy?”
“Boneless leather!”
“What kind of leather has bones?”
“This is depressing.”
“I agree. I don’t know why we get together like this every week.”
“Are we planning to sail there in real time?”
“Yes. Several weeks.”
“Uhh… I’m not getting on that ship ever again, after that dance.”
“I’m sure we have enough ropes on the ships to tie them all together to make 500′ of rope.”
“Well, we can tie two half ropes together…”
“I got a 17. That’s the good news. The bad news is, that’s based on a 1.”
“You’re driving along, and all of a sudden – Christopher Reeves!”
“We still do things in there; we just do them at our own speed… which is, as we in the Royal Navy say, glacial.”
“You’re getting me in trouble! Stop it!”
“Surprise them – it’ll be the last thing they suspect!”
“That doesn’t jive with my character build.”
“Okay, I believe I have established that the crew of the Dirge doesn’t pay attention to anything.”
“We mount the Bitch’s Widow and we go in.”
“What does ‘the Bitch’s Widow’ mean?”
“That’s what I named my boat.”
“I thought it was a nautical term!”
“Look, I’m doing really good to not call this sail ‘latrine’.”
“We can land near the sarcasm…”
“We can never get away from the sarcasm.”
“Do fish people have sarcasms when they mate?”
“Why did you drop the lisp and go Scottish all of a sudden?”
“‘So what did you guys do last night?’ ‘Oh, we talked about seaweed and my failure to please you.'”
“Isn’t that the name of an upscale bed and breakfast in New England? ‘Bedside Manor’?”
“Well, there’s this guy, and he’s on my ship, and he has a gun…”
“I shoot him.”
“Gill R. Fishman.”
“Holy shit. That’s actually your name!”
“Yeah.”
“I thought we were just calling you Gill to mock you!”
“Kacey?”
“An overwhelming desire to reroll… otherwise known as a 12.”
“Your people probably eat this thing. Or have sex with them.”
“It’s a fucking kraken!”
“I’m trained in kraken grappling.”
“Why are you singing the Meow Mix song?”
“Are you trying to demoralize the kraken?”
“It’s my inspiring song.”
“It’s ribbeting.”
“It’s the Don King of squid!”
“Holy shit! Why are we fighting this kraken when we could be going after a moustache?!”
“Why are we going after this kraken when I could be having a moustache ride?!”
“I should never have given you something to write on.”
“She should have never have given me a pencil.”
“Looks like he’s shitting me out.”
“That’ll be soon.”
“I take solace in the fact that my penis will be the last thing it eats, given its location on my body.”
“But they’re not normally aggressive. Unless you rip their wings off and put them on a cousin.”
“I will make a sail check to sail up the waterfall.”
“I think you turn into a sad sack of flesh and bones.”
“I think there’s been 2 deaths on this table side.”
“Three.”
“Oh, right! The goblin! So there’s been 3 deaths on this table side.”
“That’s why I’m on this side.”
“You should be ashamed of how funny that is.”
“You wouldn’t think that seven pirates would be this desparate for rope!”
“What’s your climb skill?”
“Three.”
“You fucker.”
[following the dwarf falling 420 feet]
“I just remembered! I have a ring of feather fall!”
“I found the gun pretzel, sir!”
“Anybody know what happened to our dwarf? I found this faint brown stain…”
“He just dropped an atomic elbow on me!”
“From 400 feet!”
“Well, they’re not that competent, sir. One of them tried to commit suicide and failed! He jumped off this cliff!”
“Why were you going to try to kill Charlie?”
“Because I was going to take someone out with me, and he was the only target.”
“Trust me, when you’ve got that much windshear on your balls…”
“They’re excavating blue baubles!” [giggling]
“This ring is special. It means you cannot touch me.”
“I can.”
“In that she is not gravity…”
“I know better than to hug dwarves. Because dwarves sprout axes.”
“Is that going to be our new euphemism?”
“What is a catamaran? I know it’s a kind of boat, but I know there are distinctions…”
“Let’s go check it out.”
“Right. Let’s go set fire to it.”
“Everything needs Ricardo Montalban.”
“Wraith character: Ricard Montalban!”