“If I’m psychic at all, I’m mostintentionally not attuned to Matt.”
“Tell him our group gives him the clap.”
“That is 200% more internet cats than I was prepared to deal with.”
“And he’s equipped them all with Message, so he can send a message six times as long as anybody else.”
“The kids have definitely taken a Tom and Jerry approach to villainy.”
“Kids aren’t like ropes!”
“You can’t have half a child, but you can have half a rope.”
“You’ve made the most ineffective pirate ever, and we made you our captain…”
“I’m going to have to spend my next combat action re-applying my makeup…”
“…For a cyclops that has an arrow up his nose and three axes in his back.”
“Two. One of them comes back.”
“You know he’s not dead, right?”
“He’s not dead?!”
“We COULD be a traveling circus. Oh my god.”
“It takes a full fifteen minutes to reboot my dress; you do realize that, right?”
“See this bit here? Hawk squiggle squiggle blob hawk? That’s ‘dream.'”
“I don’t believe you…”
“What’s the worst could happen?”
“A LOT of terrible things could happen!”
“I could be turned inside out and be teleported to the plane of chili peppers…”
“Your people can tunnel through it, right? Or am I thinking of badgers?”
“In my head, I just gave him 47 demerits. But they don’t mean anything.”
“…Since I won someone his island. Isn’t that right, MY LORD?”
“Well, you certainly helped.”
“I seem to remember someone becoming PART of the ship.”
“To capture the ship, you have to become the ship.”
“You know what would be better? NAKED elf planet.”
“What’s the most dangerous thing you can think of?”
“Him, a match, and a powder keg?”
“On a scale of 1 to 10, how dangerous do you think that is? 5? 10?”
“Depends on how quickly I can get away.”
“So… tempted…”
“I’ll make the roll.”
“I know you will. But then we’ll die and I’ll have to make another character.”
“Ohhh. The west north-south cliff.”
“I was going to agree, but now that you’ve said it…”
“South would involve turning; east, we go straight ahead.”
“Yes! Like a rhino, I always keep going in the same direction.”
“That’s right. Narwhals. They’re the rhinos of the sea.”
“Hey, once you have standards, things get difficult. You’ll never be happy.”
“This is my giant’s walk. Like a constipated duck.”
“Just from the damage you inflicted, he’s dead.”
“So I won’t bother making him afraid, then.”
“I could kiss you, but I’m not going to tell you that.”
“I hate it when mommy and daddy fight.”
“Are you shooting the nearest one with a 100’ range weapon?! Goddamnit!”
“It’s all right. We’ll assume there’s just a mathematical error in your favor.”
“You Legolas’d it.”
“This is an ancient creature called a triceratops.”
“It’s a three-horned rhino!”
“I’m sorry; I’m a bad person! You all know this!”
“Go get it. It’s a bejeweled sword. It will go with your sword.”
“Because if it’s between two passages of text, it’s likely to be a trap.”
“I don’t know what he’s in, but we should get him out.”
“It’s got eyes; I can kill it.”
“I’m being eaten by a trapper…”
“Keeper.”
“That would be awesome.”
“I hope it has stickers!”
“I’m not going to pick up weapons I don’t know.”
“You’re not going to pick up weapons you don’t know? I’m going to introduce you to every weapon now…”
“It ate me! What I was supposed to do? And I didn’t know he charmed it! I was unconscious at the time!”
“I’ve been killed by a floor. I believe that is the peak of my career.”
“I thought I could kill it!”
“In one hit? Did you think it was a dagger of floor-slaying?!”
“How fast can floors run?”
“You guys suck.”
“Screw you; we’ve survived two whole books so far.”
“Uh… three.”
“We lost three characters to the floor?”
“But then you’re alone in a room with a floor…”
“This is what I sent to Brandy: ‘The brave captain bravely led the way to safety.'”