“Raise your hand if the idea of me without a shirt on does not make you want to throw up a little?”
“One of these days, you guys will meet my brother and see a real yeti.”
“Are there cryptozoologists hunting him down?”
“I didn’t know where John came from. I thought he just came with the room.”
“All right. Let’s get ready to FUMMMBLLLEEEE!”
“I’ve tried to paint him a few times; he keeps parrying the brush away.”
“I want to roll my shitty attacks first and my good attacks second. Is that something we can do?”
“I don’t know how guns work! I know how axes work!”
“If I die and come back and have my two hero points, I’m just going to throw axes at Darryl.”
“The amount of shit you’re full of, sir…”
“I try to keep it consistent.”
“He is the only member of your party that has a trustworthy accent.”
“OK, Swift, two marines are attacking you.”
“Never! …They hit.”
“Also, with two ballista bolts and a lightning strike, I don’t think she thinks life is worth living.”
“Everything is anti-Jaguar propaganda. The Jacksonville Jaguars are anti-Jaguar propaganda.”
“Is it Voltron?”
“Yes. Guesss who gets to be the penis?”
“Giant lion robo-dick is where I draw the line.”
“I laugh in the face of danger! As long as danger is WAY over there.”
“Yeah, that should miss him and Charlie.”
“So when you say miss, you mean definitely hit?”
“Some would say grappled, others would say wedged.”
“Yammy, you’ve been playing with us for 8 years; I promise, next game I’ll respect you for one session.”
“I was about to say… by the time the rest of the party gets here, there’s a whopping three people on deck. Go team!”
“Yammy, I just gave your ship away; hope you don’t care.”
“Hold on, I can’t write that fast. I’m at ‘Broad Rudder’.”
“Wasn’t that the first one..?”
“We can form ship-polo teams!”
“‘Sir, there are sails on the horizon!’ ‘What class of ship?’ ‘All of them.'”
“Ham Night Shamaylan?”
“Ham Night was great, but we didn’t expect the twist at the end?”
“Can you tweet that? ‘Bryan suggested something that wasn’t regrettably stupid.'”
“Unless you’re fascinatingly incompetent.”
“Uh…”
“Well, I was gonna say, ‘I’m not really comfortable enslaving them; I was thinking more we’d buy them, promise them their freedom, and then leave them to die on an island.’ But Kacey took it to a really dark place, and I think I want to go home now.”