“I can’t believe you laughed at that.”
“I laughed because it was the worst German accent EVER.”
“You’ll find his ship anchored at the bottom of the harbor.”
“The bottom-bottom?”
“Hey-ho, Kermit the Frog here, with Chellaxian house news.”
“I can’t be a halfling.”
“You can’t be a halfling?”
“I’m glad you’ve come to that decision at your time of life…”
“You have water breathing, but you do not have club resistance.”
“I’m so glad your attributing plans to me that aren’t mine – and mocking me for plans that aren’t mine.”
“I didn’t ruin ANYTHING last week, and you guys won’t even let me get over that. Geez.”
“Ha-ha! You performed adequately!”
“Way to go, be competent! Geez!”
“Ruin our perfect record!”
“Way to go, raising the bar! We’ll never be able to get that high again.”
“Kevin had to rewrite three books because we kept fucking up so badly!”
“You may call me… Your Subpar.”
“I’m going to get together as many Gust of Wind spells I can and I’m going to RAM Cheliax! I’ll probably be going a whole 20 or 30 miles an hour…”
“I missed the entire country!”
“To your credit, it dodged.”
“Maybe I should talk to people. I am a Charisma character.”
“Why break your streak of being completely useless?”
“You’re all my nieces!”
“Oh, I thought Massey was a lady.”
“So did I, until we got here…”
“I am so desperately afraid to go back to that island.”
“She’s only been in there a year and a half.”
“For doing nothing.”
“For being part of the wrong crew.”
“Just because the players have forgotten about her doesn’t mean she’s been in the brig the whole time…”
“We don’t need a shovel on a ship. Why do we need a shovel?”
“BURIED TREASURE!”
“We don’t have any treasure to bury.”
“Because you don’t have any shovels!”
“…Some captained by very memorable people, and some captained by those who are not…”
“We have many fine ships, only some of which have dangerous toxins in the hold that will kill you if you set foot on board…”
“Clothes don’t rot in a year. This shirt is older than a year, and it’s fine.”
“Saucy, perhaps we need to reacquaint you with the conditions in the brig.”
“The brig does not, in fact, have Tide. Or rather, it does and that’s the problem…”
“Wow. I knew this session wasn’t going anywhere, but this session has gone nowhere like a comet…”
“I don’t have to eat fierce food if I want to be a fierce pirate! I can eat cookie if I want!”
“So you’re going to punish her for your idiocy.”
“Well, yes, because that’s what good leaders do.”
“Why would you use that font?”
“To make it look authentic. And then I narrate it back to them, and they ask why I would use that font.”