“I notice you didn’t mention pants.”
“That’s why they call it ‘commando.'”
“I’m so out of touch, I’m watching Canadian cartoons from the 90s.”
“Does Kacey count as terrain?”
“He does if I’m standing on him.”
“So the answer is no.”
“I’d like to make a save, dammit.”
“Save against nudity?”
“I’m with ya. Wonder-douchebag powers activate.”
“I’d like to pretend that this is the worst doorknob I’ve ever touched…”
“I’m worried about the kind of doorknobs you’re touching.”
“So you two have now seen what’s in this room.”
“I swallow the cyanide capsule I keep in my teeth…”
“All he knows is ‘Lightening’ – so everything is slightly less heavy.”
“Even *I* thought that was in poor taste.”
“He’s only saying that because he didn’t think of it first.”
“To be fair, most of the time when John and I speak, we provoke attacks…”
“It’s a round room! He can’t ever find a corner to cry in!”
“Well, I can bite something for… not gonna happen…”
“Yeah, fake out with the weapon; she’ll never expect the punch!”
“Saucy. Sarah’s phone just farted.”
“I got news for you guys: the ocean is full of whale poop. I’m used to it.”
“There’s a difference betwen swimming around in the ocean, knowing that things have defecated and urinated in it, and being urinated upon.”
“Well, it was nice knowing you.”
“Really? Was it?”
“Hold on; I’ll prop up his corpse and make it look threatening.”
“YOU NEVER EVEN SANG!”
“I know!”
“It would have lasted after you died! It would have lasted longer than you!”
“Am I close enough? All I can see is Sarah’s miniature.”
“Seven dice. Five ones.”
“Yahtzee!”
“Don’t worry; it IS the Blackleaf family tradition to party wipe.”
“No, there’s usually one survivor…”
“Did you just now notice that we’re not doing well?”
“Do you have feats that…?”
“No. That was totally ball-sack luck.”
“Bring it! I’m good at making characters!”
“Quit gloating about your armor class, Bryan; it’s not attractive.”
“I’m just saying that I’m a lot easier to hit than I usually am.”
“What do I need Con for?”
“You’ve been conning us the whole time!”
“Is that what you’re built to do? Because I think this is the first time you’ve done it in SIXTEEN MONTHS.”
“I have no Knowledge: Planes. I’ll call her what I want.”
“I have no Knowledge: Planes either. I just call her ‘that annoying bitch.'”
“Well, Charlie has Knowledge: Planes now, since he’s living in them…”
“I think John might have the most hit points; he got hit so hard that the meter reset again.”
“Someone find me a piece of glass! If I find a piece of glass, I can rub it on my crotch hair and cast Lightning!”
“You are not skull-fucking the Pirate King!”
“No, but he might be rubbing his balls with glass.”
“Darryl, I don’t really want to touch you, but I’m going to give you five hit points anyway.”
“3d8 plus 12. Eleven. How the – motherfucker!”
“If you grip the entire thing with your butt-cheeks, it counts.”
“The line is at butt-fucking doorknobs? To be fair, that line is way, WAY down the track.”
“No one wants to stand next to me anyway.”
“That’s because of the smell.”
“Yeah, but he’s in new armor.”
“Statements like that are why I have a hard time explaining what I do on Wednesday nights.”