“Friends don’t let friends drive drunk on power.”
“That is the single most dickish thing I’ve seen you do.”
“What, fail to throw?”
“We’re all naked. Don’t be splashing acid, okay?”
“Well, he’s now got three names for people? Sam, Bag-o-Dicks, and Admiral?”
“Bag-o-Dicks is dead.”
“I’ve seen those in certain types of videos that are illegal in seventeen states.”
“I pee in his kilt.”
“Aren’t you wearing it?”
“Makes it a whole lot easier to pee in it!”
“I’m all for checking the door and worrying about the cannibalism later.”
“So… noted: Mormons are flammable.”
“I feel like we had this discussion once or thrice.”
“Yeah, but I’m not happy with how it came out.”
“Look, I think you’ve done enough war profiteering on my part. Or from my parts, as the case maybe.”
“Tell you what – you can do the sword and shield thing; the first person that surrenders to us, we can send them back down to the ship to get the gong…”
“Door be gone! Um… now the room’s on fire.”
“I miss him sometimes.”
“I do too, but I’m not that great of a shot.”
“She’s got the scalpels of healing out.”
“Why do all of our plans involve poop?”
“Because the average mental age of this group is 12.”
“I’m not sure if we were adamant so much as we were stupid.”
“I like explaining my shitty rolls…”
“They all have one-eyed glasses?”
“Yes. They are all monocled.”
“As long as I don’t lose my position of power on the ship, I won’t be forced to do anything unpleasant.”
“There’s a charter for your ship?”
“There is in my head.”
“It’s in the charter that you get to play with women?”
“No, it’s in the charter that I get to play with women for a while, and then when I’m done, she assassinates them for me, so I don’t leave a trail of women.”
“‘Based on what I’ve seen, I don’t think we’ve gone too far,’ says the shark.”
“Ehhh, I still haven’t found anyone to surrender to me.”
“Yes, watch out for the giant tentacles. There were eight, but he keeps insisting there are ten…”
“Take my jar of maggots. Everyone knows my jar of maggots; this one is Steve.”
“I have come for Captain Alexandro’s flag; I have Steve.”
“I should carry this dead wood back to the ship and get the captain’s flag.”
“I don’t think that’s a good nickname for Charlie Swift.”
“A navy blue flag with a yellow moustache.”
“All it takes to set a ship on fire is intent and nobody here to stop you.”
“Yeah, but a crossbow is cooler.”
“A new nation… an island nation, but we’ll leave the island part out… founded under rockets… I feel like we should make a song about this.”
“Wait, you have teleport?! YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN THE FLAG, YOU BASTARD!”
“I don’t have it memorized.”
“NOBODY HAS ANYTHING MEMORIZED!”
“You didn’t call her Bag-o-Dicks, so you’re improving.”