“I have to kill all the monkeys and start again!”
“I’m willing to bet I can snap your phone in half.”
*pause*
“I’m willing to bet you shouldn’t.”
“That’s because I didn’t think that cheese whiz was either hyphenated or fluffy!”
“You know, Cheryl, I can’t leave both the belly button and the beard.”
On ‘Say the Same Thing’:
“If this is the word we get it on, I’m done being your friend.”
“I’m trying to pick something that would connect those two words.”
“I’m trying not to picture something that would connect those two words…”
“Saucy’s been going south for ages.”
“What happened to Yammy’s ship?”
“It mutinied. Not the crew – the ship.”
“Yes, sir, there’s… there’s ice cream cake in the galley. Just be done with it before the battle starts.”
“I can’t help it; his schtick is just hanging out there!”
“I volunteered to help, and no good deed goes unpunished.”
“Well, I just said it. Doesn’t mean it’s true.”
“We call it Saucy’s Rock because of all the sauce we put on them after we eat them.”
“It’s not… uh… Lance Armstrong?”
“…What?”
“It’s a little late to case Control Weather. It takes 10 minutes.”
“It’s not too late if you want to sit out the fight…”
“Sir, boobs on the horizon!”
“Well, I’m looking at what numbers he wrote down, and it’s going to need to be taller.”
“I was really proud of my roll until just then.”
“I knew I should have been in control the whole time.”
“We tried; you refused!”
“No, I simply haven’t accepted yet.”
“You have a raft with a cannon, sir.”
“And the dagger couldn’t talk, but it was a DICK.”
“That’s okay; I can go down with the ship. It’s a submersible!”
“Did you just say ‘Fistopholes’?”
“Where’s the horse?”
“I’m just gonna pretend y’all aren’t talking.”
“It’s not good to say ‘my ass’ when you’re moving Fistopholes, you know.”
“Look, if y’all had just done Operation Cannon Raft like I’d told you to…”
“He’s on a cannon raft!”
“SPRING THE TRAP, MAN!”
“Can I Keen my fleet?”
“No, cleave!”
“No, I want to Keen my fleet so I can crit…”
“I totally trust Cheryl – ”
“Bryan, you’re screwed.”
“Yeah, why don’t you believe in yourself, Bryan?”
“Yeah, I don’t believe in you guys either.”
“Has that joke already been made 10 times tonight?”
“No, I have no vowels.”
“Going to rendevous?”
“Sure! I’m going to write ‘hello’ on all the cannon balls. Or better yet – ‘parlay’.”