“I am so happy that this is a real person and not just a character in an all-anal James Bond porn parody.”
“Choke more! It makes the DM laugh!”
“Anyone who dies at the table gets 5 XP right away.”
“Wait, who gets the XP if we convince someone to commit seppuku?”
“Makin’ things awkward since 1978.”
“So I didn’t make it awkward the first year?”
“No, you couldn’t talk.”
“Wow, my enthusiasm for that game vanished really fast… and you did it without mentioning custard or tarps.”
“I actually have legitimate input, but I’m afraid it won’t be welcome at this time.”
“They neutered Death, by the way, Bryan.”
“I don’t know why I’m continuing to whisper, since I’ve completely disrupted things.”
“Darryl probably COULD turn them into a canoe.”
“Canoe that motherfucker!”
“That’s the happiest bulet I’ve ever seen.”
“And by ‘maul’, he means ‘loving caress your face with his teeth.'”
“He means he’s going to take you to the mall. At Christmas time.”
“He has a pistol, he has a rifle, he has a sword; I have… a $20 bill. What am I going to do, fold it up and papercut them?”
“Electro-shocked the defiance out of me?”
“Sorry, guys, I was going to come add my one dot in melee to help…”
“The handler gives you a strange, cock-eyed look – the same kind of look you get when anyone realizes you’re in a wheelchair…”
“I’m not doing anything!”
“Yeah, but would you like to do nothing with 3 extra dice?”
“If they don’t cover ‘Wheels on the Bus,’ I probably haven’t listened to them in the last two years…”
“I want to know why the dwarf in this picture is opening a portal to a plane of pumpkins.”
“That was the result of Darryl botching: it was a shotgun wedding.”
“There is no system in which Darryl cannot die.”
“Eh, a Harrowing is just a test. Unless you’re the Aquaman of wraiths…”
“Kacey, I’ve caught the dumb.”
“You’re cock-blocking someone in the Skinlands?”
“I give them a 7 out of 10 on the side-handsy.”
“You’ve had an accident. A very attractive accident.”
“She was not your wife.”
“She wasn’t that attractive…”
“After she stabbed you, she ran off.”
“She more sauntered off.”
“She still wasn’t your wife.”
“Is this because of my research?”
“No, it was because she wasn’t your WIFE.”