“That’s what the back of the fortune says: carrying ham juice won’t carry out well.”
“I thought of an idea and it made me snicker, so I had to change it. Because the last time someone played something that made them snicker, THEY RUINED THE GAME.”
*stage whisper* “I think he’s talking about us, Bryan…”
“You know why it’s 12.5%, right?”
“Yeah. It’s 1/8 of the group.”
“I had to go to the teacher for help on that one…”
“Nobody leads Rodians. They’re like cats.”
“I would blink at you, but I don’t have eyelids.”
“You ask them to do something, hope they comply, and try not to get annoyed when they sit down and lick their own asshole.”
“I have never sat on the back of Kacey’s couch and licked myself at him.”
“You notice he said ‘at him’.”
“Yeah, I did have to qualify that…”
“Does it look digitally added?”
“Are we in the digitally enhanced part of the game?”
“There was an implied rescue.”
“I don’t get paid on implications!”
“But now that we have a Rodian that can blast open a door instead of a Rodian that can blast open a razor cat, I’d like to go back into that ship.”
“I have greater faith in your ship than you do.”
“That’s because I’ve been flying it longer.”
“That’s weird right there – octopi fishing from trees. Can we leave this planet now?”
“HAIRY octopi fishing from trees.”
“There’s a trust exercise in here somewhere.”
“And the Wookiee is the one that’s squeamish. Fantastic.”
“City. Wookiee.”
“I’m just trusting you to be generally good people.”
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!”
“Because most people want to kill us, whether we leave or not.”
“I brought a Jawa.”
“I brought Mr. Breaks Everything He Plays With.”
“Were they ferocious?”
“Yes.”
“Were they dangerous?”
“Yes.”
“Did they have an off button?”
“Whoa, wha – Kace, don’t try to argue her into not trusting us!”
“This planet has food and water.”
“Okay, so we take the whole planet back!”
“…Shut. Up.”
“Something about truncheoning the planet into submission.”
“Captain Harsall emerges from his bunker wearing a blast vest and a bandolier of old grenades.”
“And no pants.”
“Tie it up, take it’s weapons, and stow it somewhere safe.”
“And for god’s sake, put some pants on him!”
“All of you – including the players – thought that was a bush, and then out of nowhere, it stood up and clotheslined someone. It was the Wookiee.”
“I know there aren’t any Rodians in the innocents. For one, you used the words ‘Rodian’ and ‘innocent’…”
“Who are you and what have you done with the real Kevin?”
“He’s sleeping it off under the stairs.”
“You were very inspiring.”
“The probe droid can’t deduce that!”
“…You’re right. It can’t.”
“And you shouldn’t have attacked these innocent people! Innocent-ish.”
“One Bothan died for me to remember that name.”
“The purples came up the way I wanted them to. I’m not sure how to react.”
“How did you do that?”
“Grenades are timed devices. Do you actually do the math, or do you just spitball it?”
“I estimate…”
“Wait. Wait. The Imperials are solving our problem of there being too many people to take, aren’t they?”
“That’s a good point.”
“This is a game designed around heroic people, not idiots who are going to get themselves shot.”
“So you’re saying I have a lot of leeway…”
“The rest of my actions in this game will be beguiling Kacey to not throw grenades at me…”
“The captain is not a piece of cargo.”
“Right now, he’s a lump of meat that breathes a little because I continue to let it happen.”