“Is there a table?”
“Yeah, he just said there are no empty tables.”
“…I missed that.”
“What do you like?”
“Yes.”
“I believe the answer is ‘men.'”
“I assume they work their way to a backstage area…”
“Are you going to steal a belly dance costume and wear it?”
“I’m thinking about it!”
“You are stopped by, basically, a wall of cheap suit.”
“I’m here to inquire about a position.”
“Which position?”
“Which one would you like to try first?”
“I have a tenuous use of French; I’m not about to pick up a third language I don’t understand.”
“Um, I’m slightly more concerned about the fact that our party’s Egyptian is going to be limited to drink orders…”
“The young lady who was speaking to Arthur…”
“Has now hired a hitman.”
“I’m going to follow her and make sure that the master of the house is not immediately going to be killed in an alley.”
“Have you seen any symbols that look like a large tongue?”
“Sir, would you like to give her an example?”
“Can we not?”
“How the fuck did I fail?!”
“Well, you rolled really, really high…”
“New moon, then?”
“No, I believe it’s the same moon we’ve had.”
“The funny thing is, we’ve been assuming they rent a truck.”
“Sir, I should point out… should you go into the private investigations business, you’ve gone about it all wrong. You’ve paid her to be your client.”
“Were you the A team, you would now be the B team.”
“Clandestine? Covert? Corn on the cob?”
“You didn’t bring me pictures?”
“The camera broke.”
“I’m not sure she’s that picky. I believe he just has to be upright, if you catch my meaning.”
“What, are you making a drink or speaking Egyptian?”
“Yes.”
“I am wise enough to not continue to pick the pockets of bobbies while my master is in the same block.”
“That is an appropriate number of qualifiers on that sentence.”
“Couples snogging are often hiding something. Quite often, salami.”
“Done watching? Yes. Erased it from my brain indefinitely? Unfortunately not.”
“How else would you recruit someone to join your cult?”
“Charm? Guile? Vodka?”
“I don’t think Lovecraft would have appreciated Splinter. That’s all I’m saying.”
“Cognac. White creme de menthe.”
“Watch your language, young lady.”
“It’s a penis you actually want to put in your mouth!”
“Is that actually how you wanted that to come out?”
“Well, he just wanted it to come out.”
“I’m a military man…”
“You wake up when you smell the tea, sir, which I tell you is sunrise.”
“Is he, like, a military man in the same way as Colonel Sanders?”
“Are they offering a pound a body?”
“Yes.”
“We should let the body count go up to get more money.”
“In other words, you bought a new car and the man to drive it.”
“Well, I am in the center, here. I am the spearhead of the shit rolls.”
“I was the most attractive person on the bar…”
“No, you had the biggest roll of cash in the bar.”
“Some woman marked that you were rich, danced up against you until you gave her a bunch of money, and then she hired you to find her boyfriend.”
“Here’s 20 pounds; I’ll go find out what’s wrong with your life.”
“Did we have anything else that we needed to do today?”
“I was going to go shoe shopping…”
“Anything that needs to be role-played?”
“So we need to find someone more pompous than Darryl and goad them into an argument, set up a betting ring, and that’s how we’ll fund our operations.”
“You come off as serious investigators instead of idiots out wandering around.”
“No, we left them back at the hotel.”
“I’m pretty sure zeal is a license to do whatever you want, at least in role-playing games.”
“He’s your buddy and you can’t get his name straight?”
“You can’t keep saying cognac.”
“Swizzle stick.”
“You might realize you’re being interrogated; I think I’m being flirted with.”
“Is our game really more ridiculous than real life? I ask you.”
“Denethor?”
“What?”
“You said steward.”
“Son of a bitch.”
“Sir, your language. You are in the public.”
“Ah. Yes. Fuck it all.”
“So we go to his workplace. Where there are no penis cookies.”
“When I die and go to hell and ask where it all went wrong, this is the moment they’ll point to.”
“Sometimes he needs a new jacket.”
“More often than I should.”
“And whose fault is that?”
“Bystanders.”
“Those poor people.”
“Are you talking about all the poor people that we’re not going to save?”