“I think it’s because the abuse is funnier.”
“It’s a target-rich environment for shrieking.”
“I think what it really means is that we’re ok shooting the fuck out of her.”
“You are now a player character!”
“Whoo! I’ve never felt more alive!”
“Internet translators: what can you do?”
“Hire someone that speaks French?”
“And then one day, he’d give you a gift… of patricide!”
“The gift that keeps on giving!”
“…There are invisible eels at my feet.”
“Like, good dancing?”
“The kind of dancing you do when you’re trying to step on a bunch of eels.”
“It’s the black sword, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Then yes, I throw the teaset at it. Clearly that sword is evil.”
“But I think it would be super-awesome to hit the invisible eels with the teaset.”
“I jump into the pool after the teaset.”
“Do you swim?”
“No.”
“Well, I both can’t swim and don’t swim, so you are on your own, my friend.”
“Do you want me to roll luck again?”
“No, because the party is no longer standing in a line, so the potential for hilarity is reduced.”
“Did you say 10 second burst?”
“Yes.”
“That’s not a burst! That’s ten seconds!”
“The word ‘chuck’ should come to mind.”
“Not into the pool!”
“I’m less concerned with blowing up the pool than blowing up the Frenchman.”
[several] “Ehhhhhhhh.”
“Ehhh. It’s kind of hard to turn your ankle by stepping on a penis.”
“Do I see Guy struggling?”
“Yes. Well, you see him doing some kind of calisthenics at the bottom of the pool…”
“It is a nice symmetry that we removed a body and we added one.”
“Conservation of bodies.”
“Note to self: get darts. Sedative darts.”
“Hey. Does that feel like horse tranquilizer to you?”
“Does anything move?”
“…Temporarily.”
“So am I moving, or am I out of movement…?”
“You’re. Moving.”
“It’s made of a bronze-colored alloy that is impervious to bullets.”
“Are you sure?”
“There’s no attack roll, because you will hit the ceiling if you aim…”
“I don’t think they’re coming back.”
“Do you think we should follow them? There is an awful lot of shooting.”
“But I’ve heard no counter-shooting.”
“I’m convinced that Darryl is the ancient evil.”
“The machine gun is not mounted yet.”
“It’s a dream of ours.”
“As always in this group, when faced with incredibly dangerous objects, we make the worst choice.”
“May I make a crazy argument? Alice has a machine gun.”
“Hospital. For our own safety.”
“Are you driving to Lin’s?”
“Yes. Are you passenging to Lin’s?”
“Tell you what: I will be standing in the place least likely to require dice rolls.”
“I’d say nothing bad happens in Canada, except for all the feet washing up there.”
“That’s why we checked him in as Juan Valdez. And when Eldridge shows up, we’ll check him in as Jose Cuervo.”
“It says right here, ‘extremely popular in Shanghai at that hospital you’re at…'”
“The party also has an apartment with an evil sorcerer tied up in the closet.”
“Tied up is not the right term.”
“Mummified in rope.”
“I bought us some very, very good soup. And some silence.”
“A .45, two extra clips, and paper pajamas.”
“Ha! You admit it! This whole thing has been an elaborate sting to get you to admit it!”
“That I wanted to burn the painting down?”
“What did he do?”
“He pulled out a wand and started chanting, and I shot him before he could finish.”
“He said to break his wands. I broke his wand by shooting him.”
“Were you there when he hatched, and he imprinted on you?”
“I will put them in however many individual envelopes and mail them to France, if you’d like.”
“I trust you more now than I ever have.”
“It is easy to trust someone who has been mummified in a closet.”
“We’re the worst investigators ever!”
“You’re just now realizing this?”
“We’re worse than Scooby DOo, and he’s a goddamned dog!”
“Jason, you were the only one that was sensible in that whole group – and I never thought I’d say that.”
“And at the foot of the robe is a black doctor’s bag.”
“I’m gonna open the doctor’s bag.”
“It’s like it has your name on it.”
“So Minh, Veronica, and Eldridge are the backups.”
“So it’s not technically possible for at TPK…”