“I don’t even have the grease spell, but I still walk around with a pork rind and some butter. Doesn’t everybody?”
“His theory of infinity was clearly wrong.”
“Or was it right? Time is a flat circle.”
“No, it was wrong.”
“Is it like a pond?”
“No, it’s a circle. A flat circle.”
“Are you trying to describe a clock?”
“Which bolt?”
“Yeah, that bolt. And I play the Addams Family theme every time.”
“I just want to yell out sins and charge. ‘VANITY!'”
“When he returns with the key, I say, ‘Would you like me to go get that? Because I have longer legs.'”
“I open him with the key.”
“Are you completely useless as a wizard? ‘What’s this spell component thing? Why do I need components for spells?'”
“You should have been a Chevrolet?”
“Chevalier.”
“Oh. That makes much more sense.”
“Oh. We’re going anti-pasta-clockwise.”
“‘Sir! A party of adventurers is approaching. Should we flee?’ ‘No, don’t worry. They’re just going to stand around and talk to each other for hours.'”
“A doll in a lacy yellow dress sits – ”
“I’m out.”
“NOPE.”
“Wait, didn’t y’all bisect the doll while I was at the other end of the room?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Then I can go into the room now.”
“We got here too late!”
“Apparently a millennium too late! Look at all the dust!”
“Seems like the most idiotic way to get into the basement – go to the attic?”
“Pete – ‘I like being in charge’ and ‘I don’t like being told what to do.'”
“Wait, I thought these were *character* traits…”
“The chest contains the dusty remains of the nursemaid.”
“This treasure chest sucks. This is the worst treasure chest ever.”
“I don’t usually pay attention to people playing paladins, because they’re dicks. Except you. You’re not a dick.”
“Okay, I’m not going to follow – wait. Which of them is more possessed?”
“Are you still holding a grudge about that?”
“I taught all goddamned dwarves everywhere how to hold grudges!”
“We left soot markers! We have a chalk shortage! Please bring chalk! Chalk levels are critical!”
“Are you still alive?”
“Signs point to yes.”
“Can’t we get one of those harness things and tie him to our belt or something?”
“What does that fleshy sack taste like?”
“For the sane people in the room, the expression on Bryn’s face is very much ‘why am I humoring this?'”
“The expression here is ‘why are you encouraging this?!'”
“Are you jealous of my luxurious collection of spells? I coat them in velour…”
“They’ve been sitting inside me, waiting to spurt out of me! I’m a font of wild magic!”
“I am definitely not holding your hand.”
“How do we know it’s a wolf’s tongue?! Why did we open the box? Who’s touching this stuff?!”
“So no one ceded to my request to stand still?”
“No.”
“So my casting was ruined by your level of attention?”
“Let’s not get into a contest of who can set fire to more things. Because clearly, I would win.”
“Stop. Sit next to him.”
“Are you saying you don’t want to be in the middle of this?”
“I’m saying I can’t send you to your room.”
“You know, if your people want you to be a messiah, be a messiah. It’s not that difficult!”
“Oh, are we making this a game?”
“Yes, let’s make it a game. I’m at 16.”
“I’m at 16 too. But technically your 16 should count for me, because I set that up.”
“I asked y’all to wait ten minutes! You didn’t even have to wait 10 minutes of your real life; you could have just said ‘ok!'”
“And you fall prone. I don’t know what that means to a compost heap…”
“That’s right! I’m the slayer! Call me Zif the – ”
“Salad slayer?”
“Too bad you weren’t firing a missle at it. Then you could be Zif the salad shooter.”
“Why does it have that? Is it going to the compost heap store?”
“How many times have you lost coins in the laundry? There’s also 25 dirty socks.”
“Can you take 3 damage?”
“Not only can I take 3 damage, but I leap to my feet, yell, ‘YEEAHHHH!’ and spike the bear.”