“I made note of your advice last time, Kevin – ‘Do more good than harm.’ I’m curious how I’m going to derange it over the next few weeks.”
“Do you need me to lay hands on you?”
“Touch me and I’ll break your hands twice.”
“YAY! Pork rind and butter strikes again!”
“If I touch someone, can I pass on the healing to them?”
“No. And dogs don’t go to heaven, so you know.”
“Is that because they can’t die in battle with honor?”
“I defer to your expert knowledge of the area.”
“Are you mocking me?”
“No… I’m deferring to their expert knowledge of the area, not yours.”
“They bring out a brightly colored hat that looks like a sombrero mated with a rainbow.”
“Now, aren’t you glad you went into that arcane tower?”
“Ran into it. Mostly. I was escaping shadows. And curiosity.”
“Well, yes. I need a hat to annoy the dwarf.”
“Mine’s big enough to share.”
“I’m really confused whether we’re having a real or a metaphorical conversation. Like, is the ‘nothing’ a real thing, or…?”
“‘Are those human-hide boots?’ ‘Well, technically they were ghouls…'”
“No, the best thing about human-hide boots is they just feel like wearing your feet. Like barefoot boots!”
“They’re fish calzones, god damn it.”
“They’re past-ies, not paste-ies.”
“What do the cobblestones feel like?”
“Cobbled stone.”
“Damn. I was hoping it would feel like age… and history… and maybe a little damp…”
“Is there a ventriloquism skill? Can I mix that with my whisper spell?”
“Aren’t ravens a good sign?”
“They whisper secrets in Odin’s ear.”
“So do I! Well, not Odin’s ear…”
“See, I cast confusion. It’s fully a verbal spell.”
“That wasn’t a spell. That’s just you.”
“She’s an evil spellcaster and a good baker.”
“I’m a neutral spellcaster and a terrible baker.”
“Look, I only care about number 3. There are at least 2 people better than me, so I’m number 3.”
“Hey, I don’t believe in bad touch.”
“Bad touch believes in you…”
“That’s a healer; it is not your meat shield.”
“Yeah, there’s a lot of poor parental decision-making in Barovia right now.”
“So you can take the stuffed animals off your sheet and put the children on.”
“Oh! Trinkets! I love trinkets!”
“Have I shown you my mysterious spoon?”