“My next prize in my fucking Cracker Jacks better be a hand job.”
“Before you play Kobolds Ate My Baby, you have to get a new fucking phone.”
“Have you even met my new character?”
“For that matter, have you met mine?”
“I don’t know. When we had an alchemist before, the only spell I saw him use was ‘blow stuff up.'”
“I want to go anti-counter-clockwise.”
“So you want to go clockwise?”
“No, that would be anti-anti-clockwise.”
“These people don’t know how clocks work.”
“I think Anti-Clockwise is my Tick character.”
“I can marry anyone to anyone else. Or anything else. So you’d better watch out.”
“Mmm… ok, Appraise.”
“2700 gold.”
“It’s worth nothing!”
“You should totally Mr. T up your figurehead.”
“Those who die by my ship will totally come shop at your store. I mean, those who survive my attacks..”
“Well, when it crawls up to your prostate and tickles something, maybe then you’ll see them.”
“Didn’t you know? Phase spiders are natural proctologists.”
“Unfortunately, they put the gloves on in the Etheral Plane and then phase in and give you the finger.”
“I think you’re going to have to go back and tweet my comment, just so you can tweet his, because Kevin just won.”
“If the speculum leaves a dusty trail, there’s a problem.”
“If the speculum leaves a TRAIL, there’s a problem.”
“I wouldn’t want you to ration your rations.”
“Both of you may be staying behind in the root cellar…”
“Are you sure you want to do that? Because I’m pretty sure I was in the basement the last time I blew up a building.”
“I don’t know anything about magic; I cast my spells through sheer good looks.”
“Is that why they fail?”
“Let’s follow the footprints and see if they have a snack.”
“Good god, you’re Scooby Doo.”
“I take offense to that. I’m Shaggy.”
“Guys, something just touched me, and not in the good way.”
“Negative touches in my cooter, ok. Negative touches in my lower back, not so much.”
“You’re a 30 foot cube.”
“I’m a 30 foot tube, sir.”
“Just remember, if you’re ever in a fight with me, just take my helmet off and I’ll blind myself.”
“I thought I had a cyclops, but I left it in my other pants.”
“I have heard that ghosts only seal deals with interpretive dance.”
“If you’re going to knock, you at least do it forcefully enough with your foot to break the door down.”
“Ahhh. You’re leaving the door open for fun and profit.”
“Subtly noticed and refused to play along with.”
“Yeah, shapeshift into a pancake.”
“It was only 4 points.”
“Okay, shapeshift into a slightly shorter human.”
“You open the first wardrobe, and it’s full of…”
“Dildos.”
“Court clothing.”
“They’re all slowly writhing from the clockwork in these ancient dildos.”
“You just decided to give them what they wanted, didn’t you? There’s a big pink one RIGHT in the front!”
“Are you going to wear a dress full of writhing dildos to the masquerade, Bryan?”
“It’s not really damage. It’s just a point of shame.”
“Yeviny’s like a dog with a bone at the moment. He’s very excited.”
“There’s a priest and a ghost in the same room.”
“That sounds like the start of a joke…”
“Darryl, did you color coordinate your dice, your drink, and your mousepad on purpose?”
“Saucy, Gill, what are you two up to, other than surprise buttsex?”
“Darryl, I can’t believe you…” [as his 3rd character dies…]
“I had a player hug the Phantasmal Killer once.”
“A random Darryl generator?”
“We’re going to get to the end boss, and you’re going to be like, ‘I just got here yesterday.'”
“‘What did you people piss off??'”
“Why are we arguing over…”
“How he died? Because I want to kill these two; they’re old-timers.”
“Why are you throwing dice at Kacey’s balls?”
“Wait, you’re half-elf, half shark, half dog, half man?”
“Yes.”
“Half rope?”
“You know, tomorrow when I’m bored at work because it’s the last day the campus is open, I’m going to make 18 backup characters…”
“We can take you out of the pla-wow, what the heck did you do?”
“You just have to have a group of players that’s large enough to make up for your inadequacies.”
“That’s what I do.”
“My sense motive is not very good.”
“That explains a lot.”
“I simply choose to believe whatever anyone tells me.”
“Who’s they? They’re ghosts.”
“They might have stuff they don’t want burned.”
“Who has Ethereal Fire?”
“I do.”
“Well, I just did. It’s also invisible.”