EmeraldSilver Blogs

“There’s grumbling. The bitterness keeps me warm.”

“I negotiated a truce.”
“I climbed out of a hole to agree to that truce.”

“I can get to a tree 5 miles away.”
“I can make a tree.”
“I can also make a tree.”
“This is the weirdest dick-measuring contest…”

“I don’t want to look a pity friendship in the mouth, but I’ll rub its horn.”

“It’s weird elemental water.”
“It’s perfectly natural water. That’s what you’ve been telling me for the last six levels.”

“It would be a really interesting Hot Ones challenge.”

“If you need to, you can duck inside my wind.”
(snickering)
“Hey, I didn’t say where that wind comes from.”

“You’re looking pretty fly for a Greek Guy.”

“We’re not gonna burn him in effigy; he’s right here!”

“It’s not bad touching.”
“But aren’t you trying to bad touch him?”
“No!”

“Come on, you can always tell by the shoulders.”

“I have a solution.”
“Who’s dead?”
“No one yet.”

“That ‘yet’ really puts some punctuation on that.”

“We would not dream of intruding on your generosity.”
“Some of us would dream…”
“We would not admit to dreaming of it.”
“Dream on the inside! Dream on the inside!”

“Sorry, can’t do meat element yet.”

“It’s this way. He flew. On a bird.”
“Or as a bird.”
“One problem at a time.”

“A warm wind blows out of the north, to the south.”
“Making the bird fly faster.”
“You don’t know; it could be just big enough for us.”
“We’re walking…”

“Call me suspicious, but…”
“You’re suspicious.”

“But who knows which way the wind is blowing?”
“I mean…”
“Yeah. Everyone in the party knows which way the wind is blowing.”

“It’s going, ‘Turn right. Turn right. Turn right.'”
several “Recalculating…”
“There are no roads, so it’s not recalculating the route. It just says, ‘Turn right.'”

“I am ready. I am prepared. There is no sneak attacking me.”

“Turning to face the party is not, in itself, an act of aggression. So I am holding my action until there is an act of aggression. And then… off with their heads.”

“I mean, if something goes wrong and the house suddenly bulges, you’ll know what’s going on.”

“There was someone that wanted us to bring them a cauldron…”
“That was a different game, Pete. That was 7th Citadel.”

“Burned, charred, and exploded is on-brand for us. The rune, not so much.”

“I’ve got like 30 different types of lycanthropy. Including the outsider type.”
“Well, I’m going to go ahead right now and tell you that the alka-seltzer version is fucking weird.”

“We’re not eating Ivermectin to cure lycanthropy. I’m sorry. I can’t.”

“They don’t seem to in any way, shape, or form want to destroy the world.”
“Well, no. That’s where all their stuff is.”

“Are we loot now?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“We’re loot. It didn’t even take a van full of candy!”

“Yeah, don’t let a burning tornado in either.”

“I didn’t see a point in drawing a burning tornado, because everybody’s seen a burning tornado.”

“To be honest, I thought the tail was a straw.”
“…That’s not a bad idea.”

“He licks your neck gently.”
“Uh, he licks the holy neck. Everything about me is holy.”

“Other dude is not your problem right now.”
“Oh, he’s my problem…”

“So it’s gone?”
“Sort of – well, it’s everywhere.”
“It’s no longer a combatant.”
“It’s now an environmental hazard.”

“It’s going to leave your area of influence.”
“No, it’s not.”
“It really needs to leave your area of influence.”
“Bold move. Let’s see how that pays off for him.”

“When did I take Intimidation?”
in unison “When you became a giant dinosaur?”

“I will try not to miss anything while rolling my eyes at the dramatics behind me.”

“Will you just get in here? There’s a hole to go down.”
“That’s not very inviting.”
“Ooh, ooh, you can be the fire in the hole!”

“I’m gonna take a deep breath, I’m gonna do a Kegel exercise, and then I’m going to put a hand on it.”

“Are you talking to the dinosaur’s butt?”
“I don’t know which way he was facing, but probably.”

“My note says ‘We’re in a zone of truth, don’t murder people.'”

“I was told not to kill people.”
“Are crows people?”

“Don’t let it get on you!”
“Like this. Don’t do this.”

“I was waiting for a grab; I was all ready for that.”
“Can I hold you?”
“Yes.”

“So, Darryl. I’m gonna ask you a pertinent question here: did you tell us you can turn into a giant fuck-off lizard?”
“I don’t remember?”
“So Meneleus, a giant fuck-off lizard with half a vampire on each horn comes charging towards the square…”

“Is the bar on both sides…”
“No, that wouldn’t help.”

“That would be rough on a commoner.”
“Until you pile enough of them up.”

“And was there a plan when we got here?”
“No. To be fair, I expected to be arrested.”

“They’re trying to be nice.”
“Really?”

“His mouth could be cleft too. We don’t judge.”

“I’m just gonna point out here, you walked through the wall, surrounded by lightning, and smacked the horn out of his mouth.”
“Shhhh!”
“And then shushed him.”

“I’m not flinging him into the ocean! I’ve done that trick.”

“See, and my consoling would have been, ‘That was a valiant effort.'”
“Oh, I couldn’t lie to her like that.”

“If I take it now, it’s stealing. If we finish our job here, it’s looting.”

“Where are the semi-prophetic urns are coming from?”
“They’re not prophetic; they’re propaganda.”

“Food on the table?”
“Not in this room. This is a hallway.”
“There could be breath mints!”

“You lose track of Elloryn.”
“Again?”
“Must be Tuesday.”

“The Tyrant stands alone.”
“That’s like the mouse taking the cheese.”

“For some values of ‘our’.”

“Sorry, I was playing basic D&D for a minute there.”

“I’d like to roll lower on my save if my save dictates the amount of damage…”

“You’re going to have to explain that to me. After we attack the guy.”

“A seven? They’re going to take double damage and be blinded for a minute.”
“He won’t be blinded…”

“We’ve been involved in this before.”
“Except this time – no, there are hostages, aren’t there.”
“Yes, there are.”

“I’ll be fine in a minute!”
“Shh! Try to be stealthy! We’re team stealth!”

“I’m figuring the tinnitus is answering all my questions at this point.”

“Our friends are securing your crew as we speak.”
“Yes. That’s exactly what we’re doing.”

“I did not say quietly! You note I said securing; I didn’t say securing quietly!”

“They’re not going to kill you; they’re going to mildly inconvience you. That’s totally different than ‘I’m gonna die.'”
“I have a boo-boo.”

“That is a critical failure.”
“He feels bad about himself.”
“That’s not any better.”
“He feels REALLY bad about himself.”

“I was going to have them run because they were outnumbered.”
“So you’re saying I signed their death warrant?”
“Oh, it was already signed.”

“The only way I have to break enchantment is to break your face.”

“It’s been a long time since we originally made this plan…”

“Do you remember which team was team stealth? Not us.”

“How are you? I’m out of healing, but how are you?”

“We can go commandeer a riverboat.”
“Can you drive one? I can’t.”
“How hard can it be?”

“If it would rain, it would be just… so much better.”
“I swear this is rain.”
“It’s awful warm…”

“We did only send 3 soldiers into their compound.”
“I’m not a soldier; I’m a lawyer.”
“That’s even worse.”

“Can we ride you, then?”
“You only had to ask.”

“If we do this quietly – “
“With this group, that’s not gonna happen.”

“Depends on what you ask and how you ask them. ‘So, can you tell me where they’ll be…'”
“‘Can you draw me a map to get there?'”

“Make your bullshittery roll.”

“Hazardous is my middle name.”
“You have a lot of middle names.”

“Is there a piece of refuse that would go the distance if I throw it?”
“You mean a rock?”

“I am not playing the rogue, and the dice know it!”

“Ok. I’m casting fireball up there.”
“Subtlety is gone.”
“To be fair, we’re team subtlety.”

“Are they dead?”
“HA – yeah.”
“That’s two for you.”

“Am I too far away?”
“You’re never too far away.”

“This is why they were keeping all the oranges! It was for this fucking thing.”

“I am Menelaeus, champion of the dark. Just ignore that bright light behind me.”

“Don’t disarm my side-eye before I get to use it!”

“Anybody can know the king’s name, but if you say you know what’s her name’s name…”

“…We are going to set the whole fucking town on fire.”
“To be fair, if this is a fragment of the sun, that’s plasma.”
“Right, but wood will burn.”
“If it’s plasma, so will rock.”

“Well, now he’s drinking the loot.”

“How are we supposed to loot you if you’re drinking all the treasure!”

“Seventeen? I’m as surprised as you are.”

“I mean, if you really want to confuse them, send me in. We’ll both walk away confused.”

“If you want me to carry your flail, it will also not be visible.”
A pause. Snickers.
“Not like that!”

“That’s not a terrible idea. It’s not the worst one you’ve had.”