EmeraldSilver Blogs

“Sorry, I was playing basic D&D for a minute there.”

“I’d like to roll lower on my save if my save dictates the amount of damage…”

“You’re going to have to explain that to me. After we attack the guy.”

“A seven? They’re going to take double damage and be blinded for a minute.”
“He won’t be blinded…”

“We’ve been involved in this before.”
“Except this time – no, there are hostages, aren’t there.”
“Yes, there are.”

“I’ll be fine in a minute!”
“Shh! Try to be stealthy! We’re team stealth!”

“I’m figuring the tinnitus is answering all my questions at this point.”

“Our friends are securing your crew as we speak.”
“Yes. That’s exactly what we’re doing.”

“I did not say quietly! You note I said securing; I didn’t say securing quietly!”

“They’re not going to kill you; they’re going to mildly inconvience you. That’s totally different than ‘I’m gonna die.'”
“I have a boo-boo.”

“That is a critical failure.”
“He feels bad about himself.”
“That’s not any better.”
“He feels REALLY bad about himself.”

“I was going to have them run because they were outnumbered.”
“So you’re saying I signed their death warrant?”
“Oh, it was already signed.”

“The only way I have to break enchantment is to break your face.”

“It’s been a long time since we originally made this plan…”

“Do you remember which team was team stealth? Not us.”

“How are you? I’m out of healing, but how are you?”

“We can go commandeer a riverboat.”
“Can you drive one? I can’t.”
“How hard can it be?”

“If it would rain, it would be just… so much better.”
“I swear this is rain.”
“It’s awful warm…”

“We did only send 3 soldiers into their compound.”
“I’m not a soldier; I’m a lawyer.”
“That’s even worse.”

“Can we ride you, then?”
“You only had to ask.”

“If we do this quietly – “
“With this group, that’s not gonna happen.”

“Depends on what you ask and how you ask them. ‘So, can you tell me where they’ll be…'”
“‘Can you draw me a map to get there?'”

“Make your bullshittery roll.”

“Hazardous is my middle name.”
“You have a lot of middle names.”

“Is there a piece of refuse that would go the distance if I throw it?”
“You mean a rock?”

“I am not playing the rogue, and the dice know it!”

“Ok. I’m casting fireball up there.”
“Subtlety is gone.”
“To be fair, we’re team subtlety.”

“Are they dead?”
“HA – yeah.”
“That’s two for you.”

“Am I too far away?”
“You’re never too far away.”

“This is why they were keeping all the oranges! It was for this fucking thing.”

“I am Menelaeus, champion of the dark. Just ignore that bright light behind me.”

“Don’t disarm my side-eye before I get to use it!”

“Anybody can know the king’s name, but if you say you know what’s her name’s name…”

“…We are going to set the whole fucking town on fire.”
“To be fair, if this is a fragment of the sun, that’s plasma.”
“Right, but wood will burn.”
“If it’s plasma, so will rock.”

“Well, now he’s drinking the loot.”

“How are we supposed to loot you if you’re drinking all the treasure!”

“Seventeen? I’m as surprised as you are.”

“I mean, if you really want to confuse them, send me in. We’ll both walk away confused.”

“If you want me to carry your flail, it will also not be visible.”
A pause. Snickers.
“Not like that!”

“That’s not a terrible idea. It’s not the worst one you’ve had.”

“Seven.”
“Very dead?”
“Kills.”

“To this day.”
“No, it will never be to this day. And it will never, ever be to this very day.”

“No, you guys are totally right. The captain? Is a drunk.”

“Pocket biscuit?”
“How long has that been in your pocket?”
“I mean, time is…”
“Too long.”

“We’ve searched the whole entire city. I’m sure I can find something to wrap it in.”

“I’d close my eyes before I open this. But if you close your eyes, you won’t see the surprise.”

“It may be more neatly written than yours.”
“I have 10 points in scribing.”
“I wrote half of it.”
“…After 2 pages, you’re proofreading.”

“Did you just say jerky bush…?”
“No? I said jerky mush.”
“Ah. A critical difference of one letter.”

“Just because Death is accepting applicants again doesn’t mean the undead vanished.”

“Did you both say the same thing…?”

“Trust me, I get enough honesty from these two without lighting the candle.”

“What does it taste like?”
“…Fish?”

“Black licorice is condemning enough; you don’t need to add rotten fish.”

“I wouldn’t make the rock too big for you. Now, Hoplite Hernia over here…”

“I feel like whatever injury he takes, it’s gonna be named after him.”

“Twenty future corpses?”

“See how much nicer his shoulders are when there’s a clean cut above them.”

“I in fact have done nothing to these people. If only because my initiative is at the end of the line.”

“That’s the one you hit multiple times.”
“Twice!”
“That’s more than one!”

“That would be way cooler if it fell apart in two pieces and you got both rolls.”

“I prefer my hourglasses non-GMO.”

“If you keep going, maybe you’ll find a pamphlet? A Cliff’s notes, maybe?”

“So not only are you not familiar with your new religion, you’re also skipping around in the reading.”
“We read the beginning and the end! That’s the important part, right?”

“I think his problem is that if we fail to save one world, someone could come along later and fix it. If we fail to save all worlds, nobdoy will be left to fix that.”
“Oh god, I didn’t even think about that!”

“You swim down. Or sink, depending on how much you believe in armor.”
“I would say he believes… deeply.”

“You could be attacking yourself!”

“When did that happen?”
“I’ve always had wisdom!”

“I’m going to use the only thing in my repertoire that has any chance of doing anything here.”
“Lightning bolt?”
“We’re in the WATER.”

“You’ve got 6 silver. You’re not sure when you’re going to notice, but you’ve got 6 silver.”

“Oh! You wrote a book. Look what I found at the gift shop outside! A book!”

“And so begins his emo phase.”

“Oh, that’s right. You got touched in an impure manner.”
“And bombed my best save while I was at it.”

“Hey, ghost junk is ghost junk.”

“Or it could have the scroll shoved in its throat-hole.”

“Rock is hard to kill.”
“But not impossible.”

“It’s literally for an animal companion, and you are not my animal companion.”
“Yeahhh that would be weird.”

“What about intercardinal directions?”

“Over there, you get. Over yonder, you get. North? No.”

“13’s my new high for the night. Rolled it twice now.”

“I have new friends; they’re hugging me.”
“So with their grab…”

“Read lips.”
“That would be funny.”
“No, that’s a feat, and I don’t have it.”

“Does she have a head?”
“Yes.”
“All right. We’re one step ahead.”

“I’m not good with uncomfortable silences.”
“He’s not good with comfortable silences, either.”

“I didn’t budget for bail.”

“We have enough problems without bringing in dead fish.”

“That old adage – don’t lick the dead fish?”

“There’s a moral quandary: is it better to eat plants picked from a place where apparently everything is becoming undead, or is it better to eat plants picked from his pocket?”

“Babylonian bubble snot?”
“Babylonian bubble shot?”
“What did you say?”
“Shot.”
“Oh.”
“Y’all are weird.”

“Boy, I’m on a roll tonight.”
“You’re holding back! You wouldn’t want to waste a spell when we defeated the enemy easily!”

“Which does get me a blast – but not a Sonic blast, because the machine was down. I’ve been waiting all night for that one.”

“You should lift with your legs.”
“You should lift.”

“Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, what a disgusting corpse it is.”

“I’m trying to think of anything I can do with this. Anything. I could go fuck with the trees, but that doesn’t even sound fun.”

“But why would he play in the water?”
(a pause while everyone just… looks… at the speaker)
“Yeah, you’re right.”

“To be fair, half of that is what Pathfinder dumps on you anyway. You know, like clothes.”
“I would prefer you keep those.”

“Someone’s bowling.”
“I hope not. Someone may end up pinned.”

“Undead baking bread.”
“The bread can’t die.”
“But it is risen.”

“How sad is it that I’m slower than zombies.”
“It all happens to us sometimes, Darryl.”
“Initiative dysfunction?”

“You made a math happen far better than the rest of us were going to.”
“You made a math happen faster than I did.”

“Did you add the flanking bonus?”
“These guys don’t get flanking.”
“That’s ok. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway.”
“Ohh, salt in the wound.”

“I should have raised my shield to keep the gore off.”

“Do you know how much getting this armor patched for free costs me?”

“Aww, now he looks gross.”
“As opposed to?”
“He’s all melty now!”

“We made some poor choices.”
“Did we?”
“Yes.”

“I say in Imperial Common, ‘You should smile! He thinks he’s being friendly!'”
“I am – wait.”

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