EmeraldSilver Blogs

“Didn’t you try to guilt the moon into doing something?”

“The whole world is dying? Ehhh. Spooky black clouds around the sun? Different story.”

“In fact, we should send a message back that either the world is going to end in a year, or there’s going to be plenty of food, so those of you that have 8 years worth, share that shit!”

“I know this scroll looks like it was written in crayon, but it’s actually a thousand-gold scroll of sending…”

“You have put down 4 silver on your layaway scroll.”

“Only ChatGPT can write your Wish. Must be ironclad.”

“And it’s a short enough trip, they won’t be IPAs by the time we arrive.”

“Those are two very different stories – Gilligan’s Island and the Odyssey…”

“I do apologize to the water and the seas – “
“For the beating its taking?”
“For the absolute raw-dog beating they’re taking.”

“I didn’t hit on the moon. In fact, I did the opposite – I told her I took her followers.”

“Oh, it’s a puffer-nymph.”

“I have an icon of the natural elements.”
“Yeah, but nobody knows it because you made it up yourself.”

“I was rubbing up against you more than anyone else, so I was kind of ablative shielding against pickpocketing.”

“I do have the pockets of an 8 year old – some dirt, some rocks…”

“What is the shortest character that would die in this water?”

“Someone has carved, ‘As they walk among us, they are no longer above us,’ over and over and over again.”
“That seems positive!”
“-Ly ominous.”

“Oh, this is the first time we’ve fought together! Let me start with hitting you!”

“‘This is a bad idea!’ I’m shouting this from the past.”

“You can create wood, right?”
“Heh-heh…”

“We’ve been in town for like 12 minutes…”
“And we’ve made it worse.”
“Oh, you’ve done more than that.”

“I mean, I know we make bad choices when we go to a new place, but that was kind of epically bad.”

“To be fair, I threw hero points to keep from getting completely smashed.”

“Are they climbing the tower?”
“Yes.”
“Are the right in the head?”
“No.”

“That tower goes to the moon.”
“Oh. I thought that was – “
“That tower goes to the moon. To the moon, that tower goes.”

“…That’s funny. I mimicked that and got close enough to a cat that – “
“Forced to pet the cat?”
“Yeah.”

“From Darryl to Kacey, let Littleoak be a lesson: do not mouth off to the moon.”

“We never reach her.”
“Not with that attitude, you won’t.”

“I would make note that I’m not going to make note.”

“Strangely, werewolves and the moon are somehow connected, but you can’t quite figure out how.”

“So with my giant sample size, I’ve determined that 25% of the city is cultists.”

“To be fair, that other guy said there was going to be an apocalypse too. He just wasn’t quite as creepy.”
“True.”

“We’re going to have to save both the sun and the moon.”
“And then we’re going to have to set up a meet-cute.”

“Schism!”
“Yes, but which one becomes apocryphal?”

“You know, it sounds so reasonable when you start. Next thing you know… War of the Moon Lilies.”

“If this is the city of immortals and all we have to do is bring the moon back to the city of immortals… why did we just not take her through the door?”

“To be fair, I’m not sure we’re going to start our quest by manhandling gods. I’m sure we’ll get there, but I’m not sure that’s where we’re starting.”

“So if I’m understanding correctly – “
“You’re not.”

“You become a prophet, you really start hitting on chicks.”

“It’s not ‘that is the most repulsive thing in the universe,’ but it’s definitely ‘this is the most uncomfortable I’ve been with my clothes on.'”

“He doesn’t pull it out of thin air. He pulls it out of his stomach. Or something – I don’t know where his gates are.”

“I don’t pull it out of my ass!”
“But there’s more gates to come.”

“I can fall just fine.”
“Most people can.”

“I have a single phrase in my head.”
“The turtle moves?”
“The turtle moves.”

“That sounds like a cult.”
“I mean, they accepted me as one of their own.”
“Of course they did.”

“It’s 3 AM and we’re all like, ‘Tower!'”
“No, it’s 3 AM and you’re like, ‘Tower!’ and the rest of us are like, ‘Damn it.'”

“As a player, I have now changed my mind. Having been smote once by the moon in this world, I don’t feel like I need to do it again.”

“Ah, I see. The texture of you being set on it has changed.”

“Oh, no. I’ve been smuggling experience between my butt cheeks this whole time.”

“It’s a learning things kind of ritual.”
“See, and when I drink wine, I tend to un-learn things.”

“How many planes do you mean to touch?”
“As many as I can.”

“We were agreeing!”
“But we can’t do it without it sounding like an argument.”

“I see you’ve got a very large not-ring on your finger – do you come here often?”

“That sounds like a method full of regret.”

“I am opposed to that plan, because at some point it’ll be used to put me in jail.”
“That would only be funny once. Or twice. Maybe three times.”

“It takes blueberry days, Pete! Blueberry days!”

“Elloryn is trying real hard to keep his mouth shut during this whole conversation. Because he’s said several times on this trip that he was jury and executioner, and now he can add judge, too.”

“I’m going with pterodactyl. It doesn’t have anything to do with me, but I’m taking it anyway.”

“Oh god, we’re getting minutes now. And then we have to approve the minutes.”

“It’s showing you its underbelly.”
“Soft… squishy… pulsating…”
“Cloaca.”

“More than that, you’re beginning to remember some… things. But we’ll talk about that later when your characters break down with post-traumatic stress.”

“If the Ring of the Ram had hit is, I would have been drowning in gore. I would have needed swimming.”

“Do you get the feeling sometimes that he’s smarter than us and he’s just making things up?”

“I am trained in a lot of skills. Deception is not one of them.”
“That’s what someone with a high deception would say!”

“I’m keeping a quest log in my head, and that one’s sitting at the top.”

“So with Wood, you can just make seeds now?”
“It’s a kind of egg…?”

“Time wounds all heels.”

“What, you break out the reality-warping monster, and now you complain?”
“About puns? Always.”

“Technically I’m neutral.”
“Look around this world – neutral is pretty good!”

“Dark humor is like food: not everyone gets it.”
“Wow, that was dark.”
“In meme form, it comes with a picture of Stalin.”

“We are not stopping every 10 minutes each time you hear a sound.”

“I know two of us are stealthy, and ironically it’s not me and Sarah…”

“Well, the person I was going to have follow the leader has chosen to be bait…”

“That’s what the rats are for.”
“Visions?”
“You ferment the blood just right – “
“I’m out.”

“I have always had an attachment to – “
“Weirdly fleshy?”

“I just would like to point out my enjoyment that we went for the tape measure when we were staring at a map with 1 inch squares.”

“I’m thinking of this as a giant millipede with human legs.”
“I mean, I was thinking more a giant Katamari Damacy ball made of people.”
“I’m trying not to think about that.”

“Very… badly… burned…”
“Look, if you’re going to raise dead, there are consequences.”
“Animate, madam. Animate.”

“Normally I would say you punch into him, grab his heart, and punch it out the other side… but you’re not that tall.”

“Is it possible to throw up backwards? Because I just did.”
“That’s call diarrhea.”

“Do you want to do half damage or no damage to him?”
“I’d actually like to do full damage.”
“That’s a fair cop.”

“I just need a feat that says if I leave an enemy at 1 hit point, I do 1 additional point of damage.”

“In the forest, that might be shockingly good camouflage. Here in the horrible stone city of death… what’s with the ficus?”

“That is infinitely better than mine! I have a zero!”

“Wait. Are you saying we’re in a were-house?”

“They’ve probably thoroughly investigated this place. They’re pretty smart guys.”
“…Ehhhhh. Sure.”

“I’ve got an idea. You should go kick in their door and tell them to calm the fuck down.”
“Good idea. Eventually I’ll have kicked in all the doors in this village and they’ll ALL calm the fuck down.”

“When you put you hand on the road, she just faints dead away.”
“I have that effect on women.”

“Two hours. The bell rang 2 hours ago. Not ‘to this very day.'”

“Why does it take so long to get to sloth?”
“Because by the time you get to sloth, you’re tired.”
“I mean, seven bongs? You’re definitely getting to sloth.”

“Well, step 1 is don’t spoil the crime scene.”
“Whoops. Well, what’s the next step after you screw that up?”

“‘Don’t let the hostage go,’ that’s from the other side.”
“Yeah. ‘Don’t let the prisoner go’ is what I meant to say.”

“I yell at the people, ‘Stay inside!’ And then, in a classic case of ‘do as I say, not as I do,’ I will step outside.”

“Everything? ‘We broke down this door and threatened these people to be calm’?”

“Are we talking about borders or football?”

“If we don’t come back, then we failed.”
“If you don’t remember us, then we failed.”
“Yeah, but that’s a harder metric.”

“All right. Let’s go get forgotten.”

“Can you philosophize and track?”

“It’s really just a rust monster with a really bad attitude… and several levels of sorcerer.”

“I’m not really good with confidence levels; it’s either none or all.”

“And no, we don’t need to worry about a fire – we have a steaming tarp.”

“That’s the thing – they can see into the future, but they’ve lost their depth perception.”

“As you find yourself in front of four nearly elemental forces – “
“But not elementals.”

“That use time stop and pants you? I’m pretty sure that’s standard lich tactics.”

“Why are you so concerned about that right now?”
“Because we always roll initiative at 10 o’clock?”

“Somebody loses their initiative.”
“What, my 13?”

“Paracord golem!”

“This isn’t a hentai!”

“But that’s your thing! Armor and not being able to find focus spells.”

“Well, you have your con modifier bonus.”
“Like I said, I have 5 rounds.”

“I’m not that worried about stabbing myself.”
“I’m not that strong!”

“I mean, if I end up sacrificing an eye, I gain knowledge, right?”

“I mean, we almost got beaten by a shoelace, is what you’re saying.”

“No, I want you to lick all the salt off.”
“Done.”

“Shouldn’t you be trying to look sweet, if you want to be unsavory?”

“Do you have any spare rooms? I see it’s so busy here and all. Also, it’s been at least 24 hours since we’ve set a room on fire.”

“Seems harmless.”
“Mostly harmless.”
“If we make it to morning, I’ll upgrade him to completely harmless.”

“Excellent. I also got a 5. Good thing we’re staying with the wagon.”

“If you have one or more people sticking their weiner in the toaster…”
“You’re never gonna have toast again?”

“Mostly because I couldn’t think of what class to give him, so I didn’t.”
“Yeah, he had no class.”

“Is it ‘unlock’ in Elvish? I actually say ‘unlock in Elvish.'”

“Dead men tell no tales.”
“That’s not necessarily true.”
“Oh, no. I’ll find a way.”

“You big softie.”
“I might need him to backstab a god at some point.”

“It’s not a trap; it’s just an irritatingly placed board.”