EmeraldSilver Blogs

“My friends – “
“Oooh, we’re friends now!”

“Did you just dab?”
“He kissed his guns.”
“I thought he dabbed. I don’t know which one is worse, though.”

“I’m not making a calendar.”
“…That was a very pointed denial.”

“It’s actually kind of hot.”
“How hot?”
“Well, scorching for me. Let’s call it 90.”
“Celsius?!”

“Look, I only squirt on myself in private. It’s between me and the spirits, baby.”

“Maybe you’re one of those guys in town where they go to rob the tea merchant and you’re like 9th level and kick the shit out of them.”

“Quit adding more details! I left to carnivorous and cane back to poisonous!”
“Mildly!”

“You have a hero point.”
“I do! Let’s try that again – no, you know what, we’re just going to pretend that didn’t happen and that spell slot is expended and move on with life, shall we?”

“Stick your head in this bucket and breathe deep!”

“We should not take the corpse.”
“We should leave it for the family.”
“We should leave it, and I don’t care what happens to it after that. They can eat it, they can not…”

“I think that would depend on how you presented it.”
“With a catapult.”

“I lost my dignity ages ago.”

“Darryl was about to say, ‘Word travels fast,’ but then I remembered that Edragon has a spell that literally lets him pass messages, so… unphased.”

“This is the mural of ‘shit we want dead,’ right?”

“Until you leave, this is your home.”
“So I can rearrange the furniture?”

“And by ‘go talk to them,’ do you mean you’re going to talk to them or you’re going to start shit?”
“I’m going to throw them into the cell upstairs. And then I’m going to go talk to the mayor.”
“Are you going to talk to the mayor or are you going to start shit?”

“I’m not going to start with ‘roll for initiative,’ if that helps.”

“Can we not be on a boat for a while?”
“Sadly, you make it to the harbor town of Tros.”

“It’s the Nailed It! version of an aurumvorax.”

“Little did you know, you sold the chain to some burgeoning pirates – “
“Burgeoning. Not virgin.”
“Could be both.”

“I knew it wasn’t Canadian, because Canada doesn’t have its own genre of RPGs.”

“Two of us were throwing big, flashy spells around.”
“I threw wind at a stump.”

“Some of us like hand motions!”
“…Did you just do ‘I’m a little teapot’?”

“We can help you find alterative lifestyles – I don’t mean it like that.”

“I’m not gonna lie, I was expecting you to ask for a dried fish.”
“It’s not the same character, Darryl.”

“You don’t actually want a tree to be cut down. You want to own a tree so you can say, ‘That’s my tree,’ when we sail by.”
“I want to own a tree so it can’t be cut down.”

“Now you need to hire cops to guard your copse.”
“I need copse cops.”

“They say elves are supposed to be eloquent.”
“Only when they choose to be. Otherwise they’re assholes.”

“I have a fox.”
“What does it say?”

“He’s got a spell that give me temporary hit points. I do the polar bear plunge for temporary hit points.”

“Don’t let her see you raise the shield; she might get ideas.”

“I’m going to put a whirling boomerang on that stump. I… assume it’s failing its reflex save?”

“Bet y’all didn’t know I had a chainsaw in my pocket.”

“I mean, Will is my weast – “
“Weast?”
“I was trying for worst and least…”

“I could just make water.”
“So could they. That’s part of the problem.”

“This is how you find traps, kids.”
“Send in the rogue?!”

“Oh wait, a full page later, there are the creatures.”
“Ahh, Paizo, how I missed you.”

“Dammit, Tolkien, I don’t need the backstory of these monsters!”

“He was gonna offer you snowcones, but sharp metal bits it is.”

“For once, you went in the opposite direction – you overkilled it by one.”

“Critical fail – you take double the damage.”
“Four.”
“Did you roll 2 on 2d12?”
“I rolled 2 on 2 d12.”

“Crit ping-pong.”

“There is a 40 foot ridge ahead of you.”
“So the opposite of a ravine, then.”

“I have an 18 for my Reflex.”
“I have a 28.”
“28 succeeds.”
“I have ‘standing in a hallway that’s not full of flame.'”

“They are very hard.”
“I headbutt them into oblivion.”

“You fucking Leonidas your way through that spike trap.”

“Did you just break your lead?”
“No! No, why would you ever think that, Kacey? It’s not a tell-tale sound at all.”

“There’s always someone in my way, and it’s always Roland!”

“Turns out, owlbear does not like bidets.”

“And by ‘picture of a shield,’ I mean you could believe it.”

“Cleric on cleric rap battle?”

“I’m pretty sure that hellhound has never been hugged.”

“Damn it! All I need is two points to make a line! Two points!”

“I mean, healing font is good, but I still prefer Times New Roman.”

“They have 8 hit points.”
“Oh, don’t doubt how little damage I can do.”

“So the half-plate is top, not left?”

“You know what we should have done? Used the scroll of fire resistance.”
“Nahhh.”

“It’s been a couple of weeks. I should get to roll again.”

“We are going to do this the cinematic way and not the smart way. I’m gonna stab the fucker and then get up.”

“You turned a statement into math, and it’s not the same.”

“You’re the affordable help.”

“Two out of three stars, would not recommend.”
“Two stars?!”
“I was cold.”
“You were making the cold!”

“Are they always like this?”
“Yes.”
“Am I the they?”
“I think we’re in it together.”

“It’s the fucking shibari delivery service.”

“Tiny herbs need tiny swords.”

“Does the sparrow fly up to you and say, ‘Does the one minute begin when the sparrow shows up, or does it start after that? We should find out. But first, we’ve got to get this message out…'”

“Some of us are more modest than others.”
“Some of us walk faster than others.”
“…Some of us are not the third stooge. Unfortunately…”

“I just want to know that we have a tool.”
“I’m a tool.”
“No comment.”

“You didn’t care about the herbs, you didn’t care about the fish… but when we’re talking about mushrooms in the woods, you suddenly care?”

“Dying stacks.”

“Is that a 1?”
“I need you to understand, Darryl, that I rolled a 2, and I spent a hero point thinking I was going to make it better.”

“Stabbing people is a people skill! It’s got ‘people’ right in the name.”

“Well, being stabbed still has people in it, so that’s still a people skill, right?”

“I’m sorry, I’m still on the idea of the stork delivering dwarven babies to some sort of glorified compressed-air mail tube system…”

“Flaming hands?”
“Yes. Flaming wrists was not the right term.”

“Just tell me it’s a crit. This math thing? Nah. Is crit.”

“Yeah, you remember how I said Vee was going to stab the shit out of that?”
“You remember how I said there wouldn’t be a wolf there in a minute?”

“See, this thing is hard to hit!”
“I have a hero point… that didn’t help.”

“There’s only one way to find out if this is an electric fence!”
“There’s more than one way!”
“There’s only one way!”
“And he’s making water…”

“Horse cheers or hoarse cheers…?”

“Have you heard the story about stone soup? Let me introduce you to fish pouch jerky.”

“You know, if I could roll above the halfway point, I could do more damage…”

“I was born from the rock, bitch.”

“I don’t know how armor works; I don’t have any.”
“You wear it.”
“I don’t understand. You just get out of the way.”