EmeraldSilver Blogs

“I look at the corpses.”
“Don’t touch them.”
“Don’t taste them.”

“If we just made a list of all the unimportant things he has to do because he’s an elf…”

“You’re not going to attack; you’re just going to annoy.”
“Yeah.”

“OK, pull like glue, or pull like salt water taffy?”
“Probably like taffy.”

“That, my friend, is disgusting.”
“It’s pretty gross.”
“I am gonna need a young flamethrower and an old flamethrower.”

“Is there anything cool in there?”
“Do you like oozy acid?”
“No.”
“Then no.”

“Let’s beach this mushroom cap.”

“Straight towards the bird.”
“Yeah.”
“Caveat: I’m going to stick along the wall, because I firmly believe I’m a ninja right now.”

“And Kleo, how are you approaching?”
“With poise and determination.”
“Straight towards the duck?”
“Yeah.”

“Ra, ra, red, hit it in the head!”
“Ah, not the head.”
“Ra, ra, cloaca, hit it till it ache-a?”

“Kacey, I have a problem.”
“You don’t know what’s nearest to you.”
“Ok, I have two problems. I don’t know what’s closest to me, and I have a terrible plan in mind, but it requires breaking the law of the berserk – but I think is well within the spirit.”
“What is it?”
“I want to get on the duck’s back so I can more effectively hit it with my axe.”

“Don’t lick the fish. We’ve done that before.”
“That was one time!”

“Commodore Garlic was the bad guy the whole time.”

“They’re about the size of the dwarf when he’s curled up in a fetal position after taking the damage.”
“I don’t curl up in the fetal position. I just continue to take the damage.”

“How expensive was the sending?”
“It’s just a spell.”
“I guess it’s unreasonable to send 25 curse words. Well, 24 curse words and one ‘YOU’.”

“And I totally would have done stuff the round before the door opened if I had realized I was about to open the door.”

“when did she become the lady with the bad breath?”
“I seem to recall last time we were here, she breathed on us – “
“It was Thunder Breath!”
“And it was bad!”

“Do you have any hit points left?”
“I have fifteen. Which is almost as many as you have in total.”

“Aww, did he fall down?”
“Well, he slumped in his chair. But I have neither a chair nor a mini that can slump in it.”

“I came to this school to learn magic, and what did I learn? How to lasso tables. Animate tables.”

“Make a Charisma check. We’ll pretend you’re putting more charisma into that.”
rolls “No, that’s exactly how it went.”

“All I Have are Twilight Mother Chick tracts.”

“Ah yes, I remember the ultimate in sneaky tricks: flip board, shoot arrow. Right?”

“I feel like we’re looking for a short-term fix for a long-term problem.”
“I feel like the short-term fix will make the long-term fix someone else’s problem.”
“Spoken like a true headmaster, sir.”

“My ass is not a magic door, sir. Or even particularly secretive.”

“We can cannibalize the monkey bridge.”
“Aww, but that’s my favorite.”
“Fuck that bridge.”

“You know whoever creates the trap gets all the XP.”
“‘How did you get to be so high level?’ ‘Mmm… graduate students.'”

“So you can fall in because it’s lubricated?”
“We’ll know where it’s lubricated.”
“Except we’re not lubricating it, because nobody has anything to do it with.”
“That they’re admitting to…”

“Darryl, I want you to know that this is Kacey’s fault and he knows what he did.”

“You take 5 points of damage.”
“Bludgeoning, piercing slashing?”
“Piercing.”
“Mastication.”
“That’s not in the rulebook.”
“But it should be.”

“I would like you to know that if you’re robbing me, you’re just practicing.”

“Take it and love it – 9 points of damage.”
“He doesn’t love it.”
“Oh, he’s gonna love it.”

“How are you going to become a world-class necromancer if you only know one necromancy spell?”

“You should be able to open the door.”
“Can I borrow your credit card?”
“Sure…?”
“Black titanium? You’ve been holding out on us.”
“Look, it’s my dad’s, from the cartographer’s guild, and it’s only for emergencies.”

“Can… can I have them this time?”
“Yes, because you’re no longer an enemy.”
“But if you make any more mistakes, I’m taking them away again. I brought these hit points into the world; I can take them away!”

“I realized months ago that I am not a spellcaster.”
“Well, if you were, you’d have 18 hit points.”
“Hm.”

“It’s one of the… mechanical bendy mattresses.”
“Adjustable?”
“YES.”
“I was thinking not reclinable… declinable…? No…”

“A rather lithe tiefling covered in blood-red skin – “
“His or someone else’s?”

“I do have swimming actually written on my character.”
“But does it have a number next to it?”
“It does not.”

“Four hours of glowing.”
“Could be four days.”
“Weeks.”

“Wear the leather…”
“There’s a door. I’d like to go through the door before you bash on my fashion choices.”

“Are we talking ‘I ate too much’ groaning or ‘brains’ groaning?”
“Or both?”

“I’m an elf. It’s fine. This is handwave territory for an elf.”
“I’m not sure it is.”

“I just love that there’s a duality of whether you printed it wrong or whether it was a mistake to give him a copy.”

“If it was me, I’d put it on the trap trigger, so you get a little tingle when someone gets crushed by a rock.”

“You realize that if it’s the height of the empire, we’d be its downfall, right?”

Read more »

“The worst thing it can do is spin the inside of the circle.”
“That seems like a failure of imagination on your part.”

“As you turn, all the rubble starts to coalesce into a…”
“Son of a bitch?”

“Time for some good old ‘I probably shouldn’t experiment in combat, but I will anyway.'”

“I’m 10 feet away from you!”
“Guess how long my reach is.”
“Eight feet…?”

“I don’t think he sees you as a threat anymore.”
“I am not a threat, sir!”

“It’s gonna be one of those nights, isn’t it.”
“You… you mean we’re here?”

“You necrotic his rocks off.”

“I know this is going to surprise you, but I blame Moonster for this.”
“But he didn’t have anything to do with the architecture.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“That’s true; we all know Morgan is very spikey.”
“Spongy.”
“Spiky.”
“Spongy.”

“It was fun rolling dice.”
“We have different opinions.”

“You’re setting me up for pain!”
“Failure, my friend. I’m setting you up for failure.”

“Sorry, these elementals are already compressed; they’re not allowed to compress further to go through my space.”

“Just keep casting fireball until it comes out as water.”

“Dwarves are not known for their clinginess.”

“Don’t make me lower your intelligence.”

“People have clearly gotten to this room and gotten frustrated. As though the writers didn’t write a way out of this room.”

“None of these spells will help. Does anyone have spells that will help?”
“Tasha’s Hideous Laughter.”

“Nine.”
“It’s not the lowest.”
“No, it’s not.”
“No, it’s not.”
“…What that’s telling me is that it’s the highest.”

“You did in fact poke something with a stick. You might have noticed something.”

“So as you’re sitting there waiting, tying each other together so when you drown, you’ll all sink like one giant rock…”

“I still say we should have talked to them first.”
“We did!”
“Magic missile is a universal language, ma’am.”

“Can you… un-fiddle the trap?”

“That sounds like a much better movie – Dwarfnado. Beards of fury!”

“I need 10 minutes.”
“I can guarantee 6 seconds.”

“Dwarves have just an innate ability to swim through sand. Right?”
“Sure.”
“…Right.”

“I would like to point out that the last time you did something that didn’t sound like crazy talk, we ended up in this room. So maybe you’re not the best person to say what’s crazy talk.”

“Dessicated corpses.”
“The last time there was a dessicated corpse, I got treasure!”

“Look at the gun show.”
“It’s more of a blowgun show.”

“Is that what dwarves think of baths? ‘I only have to hold my breath until this is done?'”

“There’s no OSHA down here, so it’s just a 5 foot wide platform.”

“That is the third option for getting from the second floor to the third floor. We’re just going to call it the worst option…”

“Are we starting a fight from over here?”
“It’s the best place to start it from. How are they going to retaliate?”

“I’m moving along the wall, looking for edible mushrooms.”
“And the edible mushrooms are looking for you.”

“Doctorate studies, also known as forgery?”
“I have that.”

“I am really hoping that if things go well on Friday, I might actually want to run again.”
“The first thing you need is a different group.”

“Sardonyx is my spirit gem.”

“Assault with a deadly weapon or murder.”
“The thug starter kit.”

“Don’t worry, on your stone I’ll carve all your great deeds.”
“‘Finally picked a major’?”

“You find 2 bone dice.”
“What color are they?”
“…Bone.”
“Right, but there’s antiqued bone, and…”

“Your magic’s great. Can’t talk really, coming down.”

“I now declare this place octogon-dor.”

“Ah, the biggest pustule reveals himself.”
“That’s a little aggressive, don’t you think?”

“So one head arch-nemesis and five nemesi.”
“I thought our arch-nemesis was Moonster.”
“I thought our arch-nemesis was dice.”
“…Fair.”