EmeraldSilver Blogs

“Are the spiders having a seance?”
“No, no.”

“How’s an 11?”
“An 11 makes me think I should remind everyone that they got a hero point at the beginning of this session.”

“I thought you didn’t rewrite your whole character!”
“I didn’t! I’m just telling you the relevant bits!”

“I just healed that damage! Can you stay healed for five minutes?!”
“That was ten. We rested.”

“So you’ve injured one of them, right?”
“No.”
“I thought – “
“I pushed one.”

“How old are we again?”
“Twelve.”

“You sound like you’re belittling me a bit.”
“Technically I’d be belittling you even if you were a monk, so….”

“I aim for its mouth, in a non-agressive, ‘here’s a piece of fish’ way…?”

“This is ridiculous. Have a center of mass!”

“Do you need a pointy stick? Is pointy stick one of the elements?”
“Not yet!”

“I think it’s probably not as much the pointy stick as it is the strength damage.”

“So this is literally the vindication of fish we were fighting?”

“That just sounds like you’re being cruel as well as dismissive. ‘Do you want the shit that all the magic was stripped out of?’ Yeah, sure, thanks.”

“More damage never hurts anybody.”

“Timekeeping is not a precise science!”

“This is the worst rave ever. Flash-two-three-four-five-six.”

“So you’re asking for my help.”
“I think it would not be unwise for you to come join this combat that’s about to happen, yes.”

“Do you want to move 10 feet faster?”
“Than zero?”

“It was terrible. The second one was equally as terrible, but with a -5 penalty.”

“Never let it be said I won’t grope a spider to help you.”

“How big is this hole? Is it a small hole? Is it a hole big enough for a stupid man with a spear to fit through?”

“It’s tingle fingers from here on out!”

“Find your own mushroom to hide behind!”
“I’m not hiding behind a mushroom – I’m hiding behind you!”

“How about bleeding objects?”
“Oh, just rub some dirt in it.”

“It’s suddenly a samurai movie.”

“And your third action?”
“I don’t have to, but I vomit anyway.”

“Gotta love it when the monsters stink so much, the party doesn’t bother looting the body.”

“That looks like a ‘fight the elementals while you try to figure out how to turn it off’ puzzle.”
“No, that was this other game I’ve got…”
“Look at that room. Just look at it.”

“Why don’t we use your fish sling?”
“Because it’s not waterproof.”
“We could make it waterproof with those troglodytes in the last room.”
“Pass. Hard pass.”

“Is the bowl attached?”
“I mean, it could be in a relationship, but we’re not gonna know until we ask it.”

“It doesn’t matter how many prones you’re carrying around, to drop one takes an action.”

“It hurts. I don’t know that I’m healing anybody.”

“Is fire a mental state? Is ‘on fire’ a state of mind?”
“Yes.”

“What I’m getting is, if these monsters were nicer, we’d be helping them take over the world.”
“If they were nicer, they’d already have the world!”

“You cannot grep dead trees.”

“We’re gonna get jumped by giant spiders.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
“This is not a plan. This is a horrible consequence.”

“There’s clearly a ghost. How did he get left behind?”
“It’s a statistical error.”

“I just want you to know that I know you’ve failed, and I demand an explanation.”

“Who nominated you captain of the team?”
“God.”
“There’s a lot of those; you’re going to have to be more specific.”
“I don’t thing I need to.”

“Until the end of the turn, you get a save against mental issues.”
“I have plenty of mental issues, but I don’t think I get saves against them…”

“This kobold seems dodgier than the other ones – in multiple respects.”

“You are absolutely sure you have learned your first kobold word, because that expression had to have been ‘fuck.'”

“Jesus – I’m sorry, Taureg.”

“You know, your spear doesn’t work great as a pencil.”
“Oh, that’s why it’s dull.”

“Is that why there’s fish back here…?”
“Shut up, I got a 16 to craft a fish sling!”

“I feel like I’m having god thrust on me! I don’t like when gods thrust on me!”
“Welcome to the Greek pantheon!”

“It’s not a quill because it’s now in your hair, you illiterate philistine elf?”

“Are you saying kobold blood is magnetic?”
“Sure.”

“Do you want to be enfeebled? Because that’s how you get enfeebled.”

“But you know what? You have to face your fears, and you have to fucking stab them in the face. rolls Or not.”

“Transfer 10 minutes of information in an instant.”
“That’s a lot of information.”
“That’s the conversation me and Pete just had.”

“I don’t even know what to do with gold.”
“Give it to small children.”
“What if they swallow it?”
“Not that small.”

“Why would you put pants on under the robe when you have total freedom?”

“Crits me, fumbles against you. See, you should join my religion.”

“There appears to be a shriveled spider sack in the back.”
“It’s because of the cold.”

“I think your god’s a little slow on the uptake.”
“It’s the lead in the rocks – interferes with the waves.”
“Oh, it’s the lead all right…”

“Well, you can’t be paralyzed; you go first.”
“Who says I can’t be paralyzed?”
“Previous editions?”

“I am not impressed.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. It was super shitty.”

“Well, I keep putting them into my pockets, so they taste like salted fish. And rat.”

“Round of skeletons for my friends here.”

“That’s why I like this game. I can neither succeed nor fail against you.”

“When did you join the school newspaper?”
“Just recently…”
“A few minutes ago.”
“I’m not sure how recently.”
“I’m not sure there’s a school newspaper.”

“Every can we’ve found in this game has been a can of beans.”
“All two of them.”

“All cans are cans of beans until proven otherwise.”

“If I know anything about 80s tropes, it’s that a crowbar can open anything.”

“I was just shopping, and then it went dark, and there were robots, and a coffee can exploded for no reason whatsoever…”

“This seems a little more important than our further education.”

“I think we need a wet, smoky fire distraction, not a ‘burn down the island’ fire distraction.”

“Tinker? To start a fire?”
“Yeah. What did you think it would be?”
“Zippo!”

“They ride off…”
“Into the sunset?”
“Ehhhh. It’s like 10 in the morning.”

“They ride off into the direction that will eventually be the sunset, in a couple of hours.”

“So a few years ago there were some toys that were deemed too dangerous – which for the 80s was remarkable.”

“I don’t suppose there’s a way to heat the iron bar before I shove it up the robotic butthole.”
“You have a Zippo.”

“Your aunt is terrible.”
“Are you allowed to talk about the dead that way?”
“She’s dead and she’s still terrible. She’s just now in a robot.”

“She’s living in a robot’s head rent-free and she’s still causing havoc.”

“Mina called. Felix found something. Possibly a body.”
“Can I bring a stick?”
“Sure!”

“Sangvard. Sangvard! Pick up the phone!”
“This body’s not getting any deader!”
“No, wait, yes it is.”

“There’s a dead body!”
“Wha – “
“I don’t know. Get your stick and let’s go.”

“Hmm. What goes best with dead bodies?”
“Gummy worms. Obviously.”

“You don’t think I found this, do you?”
“Not now…”

“Lars is never the solution.”
“Lars is sometimes the solution!”

“Does it look like she was dragged here?”
“I don’t know; make an investigate roll.”
“Oh no, I wasn’t asking you. I was asking Mina.”

“Because I’m older, I feel like I think I’m more tactical.”

“That seems too criminally mastermind.”
“Have you met – well, the corpse?”

“Okay, so you guys have had plenty of time to formulate a clever plan to get into this place.”
“It’s cute that you think we did anything of the kind.”

“And I’m pretty sure that your mom won’t like ‘hey, we found a dead body; we’re going camping. Bye!'”
“Unrelated, of course.”

“Did you keep your stick?”
“No! Each stick is for its own body.”

“Why would you have a stick-poking body?”

“So this worries me.”
“This is what worries you?”

“Dude. Your aunt is a Scooby Doo villain.”

“I thought she was your dad’s sister.”
“Nope.”
“I like your mom better now.”

“Can she be a god if she plays the keytaur?”

“You’ve got some unhinged notes… you’ve got a duck that’s probably – “
“Unclean?”
” – Not as innocent as it used to be…”

“…You’d think the game was simple enough that I could remember all nine rules.”

“The hole in her head – “
“Went all the way through!”

“The reason I wish you had come to me earlier – “
“Orgy in the field, Mom!”
“You’re going to have to let that go eventually.”

“This would make so much more sense if she’d murdered someone.”

“This is the 80s. She’ll let people double up in seat belts, but she’s not going to let anyone ride in the trunk or hang off the back.”

“I told you there’s cloning involved!”
“They’re TWINS.”
“You don’t know that.”

“You guys are sounding less than awful.”
“That’s our new name.”
“Is this a ‘name of the week’ kind of band?”
“No, we just change names every time we get a new member.”

“Is the library open?”
“Yes. Unlike Texas, Sweden can operate as a frozen hellscape.”

“Hey, you’ve gotta come help us find a dog.”
“Does it matter what kind it is?”

“This story’s too short to tell anyone we’re going camping!”

“Okay. I’m not bringing Lars.”
“Thank god.”

“On the other hand, the package of hot dogs you put in your bag? It’s not gonna spoil. Now, they could also be used as weapons at this point…”

“Hang on a second, I forgot to mention…”
“The bear!”

“Well, that’s where the being clever comes in.”
“Really? Who’s gonna do that?”

“She opens the door and says, ‘Aloha.’ And you all run off, and she says, ‘Aloha?’ because it means hello and goodbye.”
“Is this a new version of ding dong ditch?”

“Well, first you have to take off the vest, then the coat.”
“Oh, no. The vest is coming off with the coat. It’s too hot to be cool right now.”

“Spikes!”
“We are not A-Team-ing the vehicle.”
“But.”

“You get the idea that in a non-hostage, creepy way, she doesn’t want you to leave.”
“Uh.”
“Non-hostage, non-creepy.”

“How do you tell an adult that there is someone who is in danger and needs to be looked after, and there are also dangerous animals in the woods where this person is, without them doing something stupid and joining an orgy?”

“Only your aunt would MacGuyver a barn together.”

“Can you play ‘War Pigs’ on the keytaur?”

“What kind of music does your aunt like?”
“Old people music.”
“Play old people music!”
“I don’t know any old people music.”

“There are lots of photos of Lina in grandiose poses.”
“Is she taking her own supervillain photos?”

“We can’t trust the police to not get involved in another idiot orgy!”

“See, begging is ok; foraging is not!”
“That’s the line, sorry.”

“Wait, can we imagine Patrick cooking?”
“How many firefighters do we have in town?”
“Not enough.”

“Odd or even?”
“Odd.”
“…That’s a triceratops.”

“Have you heard from the other two?”
“…No. Nobody else is awake. It’s early.”
“Oh! Right. You guys don’t live on a farm.”

“He got dressed this morning.”
“Did he?”
“Yes, because otherwise that’s REALLY WEIRD.”

“It didn’t look like it was ransacked – “
“Well, that was earlier. She did say to search the farm…”

“I mean, hey, the good news is, if my aunt’s caught in the orgy machine, it’s probably not her this time.”
“Can we stop using that word?”

“And it’s here, off this road, blahblahblah, and we will apologize for stealing the car later. Click.”

“You didn’t even make a thief and you’ve very successfully picked a lock.”

“So it’s like… the Scandinavian version of Burning Man?”

“…I like the way he thinks Asimov has anything to do with these robots.”

“What secrets do you have?”
“Well… I can’t tell you because then it wouldn’t be a secret anymore.”

“Who wants to join the gang and can’t?”
“My brother. Felix.”
“Felix is my best friend.”

“I have an encyclopedia.”
“Abridged or volume of a set?”
“I have a backpack…”

“Darryl, do you have any friends? I mean Sangvard!”
“Well.”
“Besides them! I didn’t mean for it to sound that way. I guess I should have asked who else you’re friends with…”

“So where do you guys bike to?”
“…You started this.”

“Remember when he fell out of the window?”
“I jumped out of the window to make a point.”
“Was the point ‘oops’?”

“For the record, I don’t have a bike. I have everyone’s childhood nightmare. It’s a beautiful little pony whose soul has been impregnated by Satan. It doesn’t like ANYONE.”
“I’m sure that’ll come in handy later.”
“It knows all the tricks to dump whoever’s riding it in the dirt. But I’ve had it since I was three, so even though it’s old enough to drink legally, I know how to stay on.”

“So was anybody foraging for mushrooms this week?”
“Foraging?”
“Wait, you know how to find mushrooms?”

“Wait, when did she become a sorceress?”
“The minute she fled.”
“Look, if she was a witch, she would have confronted us.”

“I was right – those birds were metal!”
“But she’s not a witch. Or a sorceress.”
“He said witch first.”

“Look, I’m pretty sure this is a classic story of a scientist falling in love with a crazy lady and getting on a train with her. Sorry – that’s your aunt, right?”
“No, she’s crazy.”

“Ok, we need like 10 pounds of ground beef.”
“Where’s Lars?”

“I know people who have boats down by the water. I don’t know anyone that has ground beef down by the water.”

“There are actually a small number of birds who come down and investigate the boat, because to them it doesn’t make sense.”
“It doesn’t make sense to us either.”