Author: Sarah

“They would not kick your ass. They would adjust your ass to smile ratio, sir.” “Nine eats…

“Poked a badger with a spoon. What? It’s an original sin.” “I mean, he’s either going to…

“The cricket remembers!”“That goddamned cricket is holding it hostage.” “I stole more than everybody else. I stole…

“This is why we can’t put him in a dustpan – there’s too many knives.” “I’m gonna…

“Electricity? Is that a gnome term?” “Lightning.”“Ohh – lightning! Why didn’t you say so?”“I did!” “I’m not…

“That’s what happens when you tie someone up with a performance check.” “Does this have anything to…

“The bad kind of water balloon.” “To be fair, four pounds isn’t that heavy, but it’s really…

“I am edging into heroin chic.”“Is that with or without an e?” “I mean, I can fastball…

“No one invited the beetles to the ball.” “It’s beetle… putty… oozes out of it.”“Beetle juice?”“You can…

“And every once in a while, I say, ‘And that’s Aiden.’”“‘Who?’” “No wonder he’s stylish.”“I’m sorry, are…