EmeraldSilver Blogs

“You realize that if it’s the height of the empire, we’d be its downfall, right?”

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“The worst thing it can do is spin the inside of the circle.”
“That seems like a failure of imagination on your part.”

“As you turn, all the rubble starts to coalesce into a…”
“Son of a bitch?”

“Time for some good old ‘I probably shouldn’t experiment in combat, but I will anyway.'”

“I’m 10 feet away from you!”
“Guess how long my reach is.”
“Eight feet…?”

“I don’t think he sees you as a threat anymore.”
“I am not a threat, sir!”

“It’s gonna be one of those nights, isn’t it.”
“You… you mean we’re here?”

“You necrotic his rocks off.”

“I know this is going to surprise you, but I blame Moonster for this.”
“But he didn’t have anything to do with the architecture.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“That’s true; we all know Morgan is very spikey.”
“Spongy.”
“Spiky.”
“Spongy.”

“It was fun rolling dice.”
“We have different opinions.”

“You’re setting me up for pain!”
“Failure, my friend. I’m setting you up for failure.”

“Sorry, these elementals are already compressed; they’re not allowed to compress further to go through my space.”

“Just keep casting fireball until it comes out as water.”

“Dwarves are not known for their clinginess.”

“Don’t make me lower your intelligence.”

“People have clearly gotten to this room and gotten frustrated. As though the writers didn’t write a way out of this room.”

“None of these spells will help. Does anyone have spells that will help?”
“Tasha’s Hideous Laughter.”

“Nine.”
“It’s not the lowest.”
“No, it’s not.”
“No, it’s not.”
“…What that’s telling me is that it’s the highest.”

“You did in fact poke something with a stick. You might have noticed something.”

“So as you’re sitting there waiting, tying each other together so when you drown, you’ll all sink like one giant rock…”

“I still say we should have talked to them first.”
“We did!”
“Magic missile is a universal language, ma’am.”

“Can you… un-fiddle the trap?”

“That sounds like a much better movie – Dwarfnado. Beards of fury!”

“I need 10 minutes.”
“I can guarantee 6 seconds.”

“Dwarves have just an innate ability to swim through sand. Right?”
“Sure.”
“…Right.”

“I would like to point out that the last time you did something that didn’t sound like crazy talk, we ended up in this room. So maybe you’re not the best person to say what’s crazy talk.”

“Dessicated corpses.”
“The last time there was a dessicated corpse, I got treasure!”

“Look at the gun show.”
“It’s more of a blowgun show.”

“Is that what dwarves think of baths? ‘I only have to hold my breath until this is done?'”

“There’s no OSHA down here, so it’s just a 5 foot wide platform.”

“That is the third option for getting from the second floor to the third floor. We’re just going to call it the worst option…”

“Are we starting a fight from over here?”
“It’s the best place to start it from. How are they going to retaliate?”

“I’m moving along the wall, looking for edible mushrooms.”
“And the edible mushrooms are looking for you.”

“Doctorate studies, also known as forgery?”
“I have that.”

“I am really hoping that if things go well on Friday, I might actually want to run again.”
“The first thing you need is a different group.”

“Sardonyx is my spirit gem.”

“Assault with a deadly weapon or murder.”
“The thug starter kit.”

“Don’t worry, on your stone I’ll carve all your great deeds.”
“‘Finally picked a major’?”

“You find 2 bone dice.”
“What color are they?”
“…Bone.”
“Right, but there’s antiqued bone, and…”

“Your magic’s great. Can’t talk really, coming down.”

“I now declare this place octogon-dor.”

“Ah, the biggest pustule reveals himself.”
“That’s a little aggressive, don’t you think?”

“So one head arch-nemesis and five nemesi.”
“I thought our arch-nemesis was Moonster.”
“I thought our arch-nemesis was dice.”
“…Fair.”

“It was totally worth thunder-waving the nursery.”
“Plant nursery, not child nursery. He did not Thunder Wave the younglings.”

“You hear the distant sound of hernia.”

“It’s cloaca clobberin’ time.”

“You do know that’s a demon, right?”
“We never try talking to them first!”
“Do you want a pact? Because that’s how you get a pact.”

“Schroedinger’s vrock.”

“Yeah, if you took it down in one hit, we were gonna have to start calling you the Red Queen.”

“Are you sure it’s not a mirror?”
“There’s five of us.”
“Three, sir!”
(deep sigh)

“My darkvision is better than yours!”
“It’s artificial…”

“I was going to try diplomancy to begin with.”
“Huh?”
“I don’t understand.”

“Notice how I volunteered you for the stabbing.”
“Notice how I was standing at the front.”
“Notice how I’m standing at the back.”

“Transmutation. My specialty.”
“Is it?”
“That’s what I tell myself.”

“Someone grease the wizard.”

“That’s why we bring chicks into the dungeon – in case there’s any heavy lifting.”

“You could shrink the ram down.”
“That was an accidental side effect, not an actual spell I know.”
“You’re a wizard; you can research it!”
“Sure. I’ll just set up camp for a year.”

“I go through the door.”
(distracted pause) “But how…”
“Turn the knob – “
” – open the door – “
” – I turn the doorknob – “
“…No, I mean the book.”

“Please stop. Please stop. I know you want to get to the doing stuff part, but let’s at least try to do the thinking part first.”

“There’s nothing in the room but a glowing blue lever.”
“This isn’t suspicious at all.”

“I’m going to go look at the lever. I’m not going to pull the lever or poke the lever or lick the lever.”

“Man, if only we had leveled. I could have flown out of this. I couldn’t fly the rest of you…”

“If it helps at all, this entire floor is called ‘the levers.'”
“Define ‘helps.'”

“Honestly, if I get a shot at whoever built this, I’m gonna take it slow. I’m gonna start at the groin…”

“And we know who’s going to push the button.”
“Why are you all looking at me?”

“I got to grapple a table.”
“I lassoed one. Sort of.”
“I got trampled by one.”
“That sounds less good.”
“That’s Morgan.”
“Less good?”

“This is why you fail.”
“He did not fail.”
“He quit.”
“Look, I’m taking a long rest. A VERY long rest.”

“I’m not saying there’s a guy that looks more targety than the rest of us, but…”
“It’s like I just blew a 2nd and a 3rd level spell to look more targety.”

“I feel like you’re making this up.” pause “You in fact have 4 backpacks.”

“He’s over his weight limit with backpacks.”
“I calculated my encumbrance, sir. I am 2lbs under.”

“I mean, I could poison you again or have my centipede bite you, and we could let war of the toxins happen, but that seems like a terrible idea.”

“So what’s the penalty for attacking somebody that’s grappled?”
“I glare at you across the table.”

“Can I bite him?”
“You get a mouthful of water.”
“That’s what I was trying to do anyway…”

“If there’s anything I’ve learned in all my years, it’s that a seeing-eye goldfish isn’t useful.”

“Don’t drink the clear water. There’s a water wyrd. And no vision. It’s not worth it.”

“Yeah, I make a little note to myself: get the hell out before starting to use inane [sayings]…”

“He’s very judgy about people.”
“The word is judgmental.”

“Take some buttons. Last motherfucker who didn’t take any buttons got shivved.”