EmeraldSilver Blogs

“Would we be there after the fall? During it? Before it?”
“It would be our fault. That’s about normal for us.”

“Do you have a chocolate chip spell?”
“I do not. That would be him.”
“You’re putting a lot on Create Food and Water.”

“I like to think of this as ‘helping my encumbrance problem.'”
“Having others carry your food?”

“You’re giving your fish a complex.”
“I have to give my fish whatever I can, because that’s my responsibility. Complexes, self-esteem issues…”

“You’ve gotta give that the side-eye thing.”
“We’ve done that before.”
“We’ve built entire games around that before.”

“Have you picked up any new knicknacks today?”
“Define today.”

“Kay… there’s a lot of past tense in that sentence.”

“I am of course not as well-versed in magic as others – “
“You were in all the same classes.”
“Yeah, but there were other things to do than pay attention in class.”

“If there’s anything we’re really good at chasing, it’s afterthoughts.”

“There are not visible hinges.”
“There will be when we’re done beating on it.”

“I’m not disagreeing with any of that. I’m just disagreeing with the usage of the word ‘reasonable’ in this context. I hope the wizard that created it is still alive, and suffering for it.”

“If the painting of a dog that just popped into real life can look confused, this one does.”

“Why are these entrails covered in sparkles?”

“Do you want to hit Sariel?”
“Yes, but I’m going to hit number 2.”
“What? Why are you glaring at me? Those just appear sometimes!”

“The other thing I was thinking was that you have been the only one on the plinth – “
“Only elves summon hellhounds.”

“That’s good. That’s plausible. I’m changing my answer.”

“I have to admit, there’s a small part of me that wants to just turn them all.”
“Only turn one side of the debate.”

“Jesus. They have a lot more insight than I do.”
“They’ve been arguing with each other for decades. You’ve only been arguing with yourself in the mirror for decades.”

“Yeah, no, that cave looks dragon-y. I’m out.”

“There was the headless skeleton, I put the head on him, Harvey followed us into the chess room, and the ghosts killed him because they’re bitches.”

“What do you believe your weight to be? Taking into account – “
“The massive crossbow?”
“Yeah.”
“Massive crossbow, moderate elf…”

“Well, if I had known that in the 45 minutes we were in that room…”

“You know, I could attack Carrick – nah, I’ll wait until he does some damage.”

“He used to be a knight.”
“Until he took an arrow the knee. And the other knee. And the shoulder. And the head.”

“Nine points of damage.”
“You’re supposed to be doing a lot more damage! I think I’m out-damaging you at this point.”

“A pit trap is nothing. But if you hate someone enough to make the floor hit the ceiling…”

“Why would you do that? Why.”
“Well, you run, and then you push off and… fail that…”

“You should be at full hit points.”
“I am at full hit points. Wizard, my friend. Full hit points is 17.”

“How many worms did you stick in his ear before you woke him up?”
“Worms. Right.”
“There was a lot of talk about just the tip while you were gone.”

“That’s a disabled trap. You don’t want me to fix this!”

“I was thinking about checking it for traps.”
“Yeah, but that’s what the lightning bolt is for! If there’s a trap, we get deep-fat-fried.”

“Is this one a zinc disk? Because I don’t think we brought any potatoes with us.”

“Halfway down the hall, there’s a grate. Well, it’s not that great…”
“So about halfway down the hallway, there’s an adequate.”
“They call them aqueducts.”

“Does everyone think this is a good idea?”
“No, but it’s funny.”
“And we can’t stop her.”

“The first puzzle I had in D&D was a checkerboard. And it killed 3/4 of us.”
“Well, hopefully this won’t kill 3/4 of you.”
“That would be hard to do, considering there’s 5 of us.”

“Wizard chess!”
“It’s not like we’re in a Harry Potter ripoff or anything…”

“Do I have enough of these? That’s never what you want to hear the GM say.”

“I mean, to be fair, it’s not doing anything except sticking into this piece of blue tack like some sort of low-rent sword in the stone.”

“I like this story you guys are making up. I should submit it to [the authors of the adventure we’re playing].”

“Listen, you only have to open one door with a wheel on it that leads to the ocean…”

“There’s a lot of things that would have to go right for that, and I’m against it.”

“It’s a 20×20 room. You guys take up half of it.”
“Yeah, I just want to be in the half that’s away from them.”

“Thirty-six.”
“Feels good, doesn’t it?”
“Next time, take my fucking button.”

“The water elementals do not have a delicate setting – I understand.”

“Stop!”
“I don’t like stopping here!”
“Stop! Optimal ass-stabbing location!”

“I was not magical.”
“This is true. You just have buttons and knives.”

“‘Would thou’st drown/Or would thou’st burn?'”
“Hmm. Is there a third option?”

“Is this where we all put on moustaches so she thinks she came out somewhere else?”
“I mean… the last time I diguised myself, it didn’t go well.”
“Yeah. You didn’t even fool a wall.”

“If I’m the only one that went blind…”
(a few minutes later)
“Yeah, you’re the only one that went blind.”
“And nobody is gonna know.”

“We don’t have a winged familiar at this time.”
“Did you say ‘flinged familiar?'”

“How many times did we overthink in here?”
“How many times did we underthink in here?”

“Oh thank god. I’ve been looking forward to this for forty years.”
“Does he have a fork to be kicked in?”

“Wanna see how useful of a spellcaster I am? I shoot him with an arrow.”

“I am also cursing like a sailor.”
“Uh, sailor wouldn’t have been tripped up by that.”

“I’m great at those.”
“Actually great or Morgan great?”

“Not quite ready to dip our tootsies in the water?”
“I had my bath last month. Forty years ago last month.”

“We’re going to need to drag the river.”
“I was going to pee in it.”
“Uhhhh… let’s save that for later.”

“We can’t go back, because then we’d have to go through the water elemental room, and that is a no.”

“When you were drowning in the water elemental room, you were perfectly hydrated.”

“You can check for traps. Typically done by saying, ‘Morgan, open this door.'”
“I’ll take the 26 instead of sacrificing Morgan.”

“Is it clear?”
“Probably.”
“If I really wanted to screw with somebody, that’s what I’d do. Write something in a perfectly normal hallway. I like to screw with people.”
“Not that I don’t trust you both, but…”

“Been battling gangs for so long, I’ve forgotten how to attack a mudskipper…”

“I mean, if I was attacking the centipede, I’d have to cover my own centipede’s eyes.”

“You’re not going to write a poem?”
“I’m not a poet! I dated one once.”

“I’m doing this. I don’t write or speak Elvish. If you want to do that, get your own damn chalk.”

“…I swear to god, if this is Frogger.”

“Oh. I assume you had a block and tackle.”
“NO! I didn’t even have arrows when I got here!”

“And you don’t get proficiency, because you’re not proficient in fish throwing.”
“You don’t know what we’ve been practicing in the dorms!”

“Commodore Garlic lands in what, if you had to name it, is the breadbasket of the water elemental and is absorbed.”

“It tastes kind of fishy in here…?”
“Sushi shake.”

“Well, the blue one is the chum elemental.”

“But you have your full round of actions. All that movement was free. So was the damage.”

“This is why the magic is draining away. It’s all this bullshit in the dungeon.”

“What’s this? A rogue that does its job?”

“I’m mixing these traps together to make dinner!”
“Barbecue!”

“Falling with grace and determination.”

“God damn it, don’t be kind to them! That’s theoretical dinner!”

“These are particularly tough goats.”
“And angry.”
“We’ll have to cook them longer.”

“I knew you were indecisive, but did you fuck up learning the spell…?”
“Maybe? There were a lot of variations. I forgot which one I memorized.”

“You’ll never defeat it if all I do is write down the last damage it took.”

“Think bloody thoughts. And mist. Bloody mist.”

“Do you think it’s the end of the world for everybody, or do you think walls will survive?”

“What do you think your chance of saving the world is?”
“Twenty percent. Even a solid 12%.”
“I was going to commit to better than 0%.”
“A solid fifty-fifty.”

“I missed the kidney by that much. They’re alive-ish.”
“They’re on their way to the Necromancy class.”

“Crochetmail?”

“I’m going to do what I do best, which is not do the thinking myself.”

“You’ve had intimate sessions more painful than this.”
“Morgan?”
“He’s taken all the classes! It was an elective!”

“The pain returns, but the paralysis subsides.”
“…I think there are goth songs about that.”

“It’s academia. They can’t afford to hire adventurers; they have to grow their own.”

“I hate these people so bad. Once we come out of the dungeon, I’m going to spend the next hundred years chopping down the tower.”

“Also, you’re a graduate. People almost, almost remember who you are now.”

“How many?”
“Four is the number of scrolls.”
“The number of the scrolls is four.”

“Oh yeahh. Advantage on charm and magic can’t put you to sleep. Elven bullshit.”

“We have all had those days. Weeks.”
“Years. Lives.”
“Past lives.”

“You’d like to think this. And I could will one into existence – I am the GM.”

“So… we’re looking for the school Costco.”

“Does it really make that sound effect?”
“No, that’s me.”

“What’s the range on that?”
“On the wand or the sound effect?”

“…What is happening?”
“She doesn’t know.”
“Fair.”

“Well, my strength is greater than I thought it was, but my aim is about what I thought it was.”

“Is that a five or a – “
“Twenty-three.”
“Okay, could have gone either way…”

“How many more things can you do to a dead body?”

“I didn’t choose this. It’s right here in the book – “
“Sure it is.”
“‘Fuck Kevin.'”
“So it’s in bold text.”

“You could throw it.”
“But it’s right here.” pause to roll dice “Okay, so I throw it.”

“The barbarian’s like, ‘Javelin. Throw or hit. Throw or hit. Fuck, I don’t know!'”

“We are the fourth worst thing that’s ever happened to this school.”
“With a little bit of effort, we could make number three.”
“Not much effort.”

“Since you don’t have to pick her up – “
“Yeah, I drag my friends.”

“What were the gelatinous cubes sent to stop?”
“Christmas?”

“You’re right, I was supposed to come up with that. And then I worked. And broke a TV.”

“Well, probably about the point we started trying to set up his mudskipper and Annie’s mudskipper is where we went wrong…”

“Putting the hell in help.”

“I’m just shooting for ‘not noticed by the librarian.'”
“Your bar’s a lot lower than it used to be.”

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