EmeraldSilver Blogs

“They would not kick your ass. They would adjust your ass to smile ratio, sir.”

“Nine eats like the tapeworm is hungry.”

“Poked a badger with a spoon. What? It’s an original sin.”

“I mean, he’s either going to live or he’s going to get laid.”

“I’m very smart! Just because I can’t do math or read doesn’t mean I’m not smart!”

“Armin has books and books of math! Did you know there was that much math?”

“You know, if you had left us alone, we would have made it worse.”

“You didn’t kill the spider? I’m disappointed in you both.”
“That spider was an asshole.”

“Darren’s rolling his eyes now and then.”
“Look, every time Darren opens his mouth, I roll my eyes so hard it physically hurts.”

“I mean, we haven’t royally fucked up yet.”
“Yes.”

“He’s not a cow summoner, is he?”

“I would just like to point out that our guild has not had mass murders by cows.”

“Sorry, is my character contrarian? Yes.”
“That’s not really a question.”

“The cricket remembers!”
“That goddamned cricket is holding it hostage.”

“I stole more than everybody else. I stole their hearts.”

“That’s a magical object. I feel like that’s not safe – “
“Could be.”
” – For you.”
“Could be.”

“Magical butt-pluuuug.”

“This exact thing is why we cannot have nice things.”

“Look, I can do numbers!”
“It’s just birds she doesn’t understand.”

“Rick-rolled in his own story.”

“There are only 2 ways the party can divide: brains and brawn, or brain-and-brawn and brain-and-brawn.”

“This is why we can’t put him in a dustpan – there’s too many knives.”

“I’m gonna get Darrin on our side.”
“Because you’re gonna tear him open and wear him as a suit?”

“I’m gonna write it down: 1500 is more than 28.”

“It would be hilarious if he turned out to be that dwarf you told to fart to make more space.”
“That would be incredible.”

“You guys aren’t gonna leave me on the dock, right? Because this is what happened last time.”
“No, no, wherever we go, you’re going with us, even if that’s straight to hell.”

“Technically, the only thing I did was entering.”

“Electricity? Is that a gnome term?”

“Lightning.”
“Ohh – lightning! Why didn’t you say so?”
“I did!”

“I’m not wearing that hat you bought me.”
“It’s the nicest thing you own!”
“I have nice boots.”
“It’s the nicest thing you own.”

“Do you not want clothes that don’t itch?”
“Your clothes don’t itch?”
“Do you not want calluses on your genitals?”

“A simply made hood…”
“Oh, that suits you perfectly! You’re simple and you’re a hood!”
“Oh, that’s a new song.”

“So radiant light is people, if you think about it.”

“I don’t have a list of fetishes on my character sheet!”
“Yet.”

“I am not breaking my voice before the show.”
“It’s not the voice – I can’t have my mascara running.”

“How much does it count?”
“More than you can afford.”
“You haven’t seen me count.”
“Counting doesn’t help you pay for it!”

“I think Nine’s in love.”
“I didn’t think he’d ever looked at a girl.”
“It’s a knife.”
“Oh, that makes sense.”

“That’s what happens when you tie someone up with a performance check.”

“Does this have anything to do with your decorative knot-typing?”

“He supplies bodies to the colleges in the city. Medical colleges.”
“Not bardic colleges.”
“That’s a different kind of bodies.”
“One hopes they’re alive!”

“Can’t really be bothered to remember last week’s perspective.”

“Ambrose, can it be mended?”
“Certainly. Do you have time magic?”
“The candlestick translates time. Does that help?”

“Well, anything is lethal if you hit them hard enough with it.”
“Or in the right places.”
“Or if you stab them afterwards.”

“Why do people keep thinking I’m on the level?!”

“Look, birds come in two sizes: seagull, and pigeon.”
“What about the little ones that sound like this? whistles What do you think those are? Bugs?”
“Mice.”

“When a mask takes your hearing, they don’t give you synesthesia!”
“He just clearly said they did!”

“The bad kind of water balloon.”

“To be fair, four pounds isn’t that heavy, but it’s really going to ruin the lines of my pants.”
“You just need to… center it more.”

“Don’t argue with the DM when you’re getting a bonus for your backstory.”

“Don’t get on my nerves, pretty boy.”
“Please don’t give him impossible goals.”

“I’m an investigator of sorts. That’s why I have all those 2s and 3s.”

“I am edging into heroin chic.”
“Is that with or without an e?”

“I mean, I can fastball special you, if you want.”
“‘What’s in the shutters?’ ‘Me.'”

“There’s a light.”
“It lasts for an hour. Or until I cast it on something else.”
“You motherfucker.”
“Yeah, I already thought about it.”

“Is its butthole sewn shut? Is its mouth – “
“Why would you even ask that?!”

“When Kevin says it’s bloaty, I immediately go back to those traumatizing rat potions.”

“As awesome as it would be, it is not a rat potion.”
“But thank you for asking.”

“No one invited the beetles to the ball.”

“It’s beetle… putty… oozes out of it.”
“Beetle juice?”
“You can say it twice.”
“I already said it twice before you got here!”

“Has anyone ever told you you talk too much?”
“Yes! All of the time.”

“So what happens is Santiago announces himself, they pee a little, and he puts the fire out with their bodies.”

“I have a memory that says to always do what he tells me.”
“Yeah, but he’s widdling in a corner.”
“But he didn’t tell me to widdle in a corner!”

“Nothing breaks up the formation more than killing someone.”

“And every once in a while, I say, ‘And that’s Aiden.'”
“‘Who?'”

“No wonder he’s stylish.”
“I’m sorry, are you saying not all characters are stylish?”

“‘Spiders can in fact hear. They do not have ears, but instead detect sound through fine hairs on their legs – ‘”
“See? Alien bullshit.”

“You tiny fornicators of unwed mothers.”

“I’d like to pretend I’m sitting here fudging it, but I’m not! At this point, I’m invested!”

“They’re clean, they’re shaven, they all have overcoats – “
“They all have Brazilians. She was thinking it!”